Generalized Anxiety Disorder

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    Grateful in the Midst of Turmoil

    Here, I am talking about an unknown cancer diagnosis- taking biopsy after biopsy, and waiting for the results. Your mind begins to spin with your worst fears and you start to run on the hamster wheel of rumination.

    In this particular case, I'm talking about my cancer screening from a week ago where the doctors cut out a little piece of me and sent it off to a lab to make sure the rest of me was (God Willing), cancer free.

    But this doesn't just apply to cancer. Rumination, negative self talk, and just generalized anxiety and depression all play into the fear of "What if-".

    And I played right into it.

    It was hard to say "It's out of my control now."

    It was hard to say "God's got this."

    It was hard to say "I'm thankful for 'xyz,'' because at least I still have that".

    At least I still have XYZ... Reframing my mind and my perspective was exactly what I needed to do last Monday and I wasn't able to do it on my own.

    So I called my best friend, Autumn, and she told me this:

    "Feel your anger and whatever else, but trust God no matter what. You can still move. You can still work. You still have your dream job. Your home, your car that you love, your dog, your friends, your church, food to eat. You have so many things to be thankful for. Let those shine brighter in your life."

    And I'll be honest, the positive positivity is a little annoying at times because I was so angry with God that I forgot to be grateful.

    It's hard to be grateful when you're this sick. It's overwhelming and suffocating.

    But there is good, because there is God.

    My cancer screening came back negative the next day.

    *Pictured below is Autumn baptizing me on October 30, 2022*

    #Anxiety #Bipolar1Disorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Cancer #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Depression #Bipolar

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    A rough year

    It’s been a very tough year for me! I lost my husband to Glioblastoma 3 years ago. I miss him terribly but I know I will make it.
    Then my Stepdad’s Pancreatic Cancer came back mid-2021 and Mom started drinking heavily and not taking care of herself. She should have probably been in therapy and/or antidepressants years ago. She is a narcissist and always in competition with me my whole life. She ended up in the hospital in November 2021 with Wernicke’s Syndrome and Stepdad died in December 2021.
    Being the responsible oldest (and only daughter) I moved her in with me…it was a disaster!! She was verbally abusive and basically has dementia now. She needed more care than I could provide. My brother actually cussed me out, telling me “I told you not to move her in” and I had a full-blown panic attack.
    I’ve moved her into a Memory Care facility and she’s much nicer to visit, although I still feel anxiety every time. She has no concept of time, where she is or who is alive or dead…but she’s taken care of and healthy. I’m still trying to unravel my Stepdad’s estate, bills, investments, etc so I can start using HER money to pay for her care. I’m currently paying until I wrap this up.
    I’m feeling very overwhelmed and overloaded with my own stuff, my bills plus her bills, taking care of my house AND her house (until we can clean it out and sell). The worst is the feeling of being so alone…my husband is gone, my stepdad is gone and my Mom is gone!! I feel like a juggler who keeps getting balls added. Ever time I “waste” time I feel so guilty…like I should have been being productive (despite my body telling me to take a break).
    I’m just so tired of this awful anxiety and responsible feeling. 💜

    #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder
    #PanicDisorder
    #AbuseSurvivors #ChronicIllness #AnkylosingSpondylitis

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    I'm new here!

    Hi, my name is Amber. I'm here because I need support as I learn to adapt, live and conquer some new changes in my life.

    #MightyTogether #DiabetesType2 #Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

    6 reactions 3 comments
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    Wide awake #Awake #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #rumination

    Ugh I am awake and already worrying about what today will bring. I have a doctors appointment and expect that my anxiety will be high because doctor’s offices do that to me. Not looking forward to high anxiety and the exhaustion that will likely follow. Anyone have anything interesting to share? Inspirational, funny, etc.?? I could use the distraction.

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    Is this poetry?

    I'm afraid of everything,

    all the time.

    I'm afraid of everyone,

    including me.

    I'm even afraid to think.

    #GAD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde #Anxiety #anxiousthoughts #Poetry #Writing #WritingThroughIt #Books

    Picture of me at the park with a book that inspired me to write more creatively.

    14 reactions 5 comments