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In the Mind of a Person With Anxiety on a Friday Night

It’s Friday night, and I am having the same battle I have every night.

My brain won’t switch off.

I watch the television mindlessly, trying to ignore the noise in my head.

I start worrying about every conversation I had that day.

Did I offend anyone?

Did I handle the situation correctly?

Was that person really annoyed with me or is my imagination going into overdrive again?

I’m stressed about things that happened a week ago.

A month ago.

A year, even.

I feel myself start to shake.

My head goes fuzzy, and I start to sweat.

My chest hurts. I can’t breathe.

I reach for my medication to stop the panic attacks in their track.

Only then can I start to breathe.

The clamor in my head gradually subsides until I can think clearly and logically.

I have anxiety.

On the outside I am someone who strives to do their best at their job.

On the outside I appear happy, confident and successful.

And on the inside I am drowning.

Break the stigma.

Let people who suffer in silence know it’s OK to speak up.

We need to be able to speak up without fear of judgment, unfounded opinions or isolation.

Sometimes all we need is a non-judgmental, listening ear.

The war in my head is a lonely place to be on a Friday night.

Written By Alexis Nooyen

Originally published: June 2, 2017
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