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When Anxiety Tells Me Everyone I Love Will Leave Me

I feel like I am holding a bundle of helium-filled air balloons, and the more I talk to someone, the
tighter my grip on the string gets, and the less likely they are to get away.

Yet, life and experience have taught me this is the exact thing that makes people want to leave even more.

The more I smother and pull, the farther away they get.

I’m scared to be alone because that means I will be alone with my thoughts.

This downward spiral of not wanting to be alone has gotten to the point that if I don’t talk to someone every day, I have accepted the fact that they hate me and have rid me from their life.

However, reality has taught me people just get busy — for days, weeks or even months at a time, and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore.

My goal is to try and start controlling my anxiety and channeling it in different ways than tethering myself to everyone around me.

I want to be able to let myself fly away sometimes.

I want to be able to enjoy being alone, entirely and solely in touch with myself and how I feel.

I’m hoping this will start to allow me to trust others more and believe in myself.

Believe in yourself.

Written By Dakotarae Anne

Originally published: May 15, 2017
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