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What I Wish My Loved Ones Understood About My Grief

The most helpful emails in health
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To the people I love who are trying to make it better:

I know you are doing the best you can. But let me help you out and tell you what I need.

Just for five minutes, stop telling me it gets better with time. Please stop trying to pull me out of my grief, and sit with me in it instead. Lay next to me just long enough for me to feel less alone, even if all you can handle is one moment.

Don’t tell me it gets easier. Stop saying, “She’s watching over you” or “She’s in a better place.” In my grief, I cannot find “a better place” on a map. It returns zero results on Google.

Don’t proclaim how proud she is of me as if I have ever been unsure.

Say, “I am sorry.”

Say, “I don’t know what to say.”

Say nothing.

Grab me and hold me tight enough so for a split second I don’t have to be the only one holding together a million shattered pieces of the whole I used to be.

Know that when you ask me how I am, I will lie.

I am not fine.

It is not OK.

I am nowhere near good.

Know that’s OK.

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Getty image by dragana991

Originally published: January 4, 2018
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