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Why There’s No Such Thing as Loving Your Child ‘Too Much’

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Many leading psychologists will tell you not to love your children too much. These professionals say idolized children could become entitled adults.

It’s possible…and despite these doctor’s theories, I must confess, my name is Aimee and I have a pedestal son.

Matthew is the offspring who far exceeded all my standards of child excellence. Yes, it’s true that my very perfect Matthew did not live long enough to grow up and become an entitled adult, and I like to think Matthew does not test the limits of my unconditional love like my living children seem to do on a daily basis, but it is my Matthew who shows me how to love unbiasedly and without optimal conditions.

Loving comes easy when it feels good, but what about loving someone when it hurts?

Love that hurts will not feel warm and fuzzy with butterflies taking flight in your belly. Being painfully in love makes me feel like I can’t breathe and my heart becomes engorged with an ache only felt internally. This type of love is known to put lumps in one’s throat, hurts your stomach and it can either break a person or make that person.

For me, Matthew was like a shooting star…one that would be missed if you did not stop to look, and I am still in awe of the light his life has brought to mine. It is that “one missing” child that pushes the restrictions of my love beyond the physical limitations of this world. The old saying, “No pain no gain” holds true and when I let myself grieve, I find the pathway back to Matthew where my love for him grows with reckless  abandonment. That special place in my heart is where I feel Matthew’s presence most. It’s where my memories turn into inspiration and why I call Matthew my pedestal son.

He really knew how to live and be present in the chaos. He was the kind of human that took the time to smell every flower even if it wasn’t a flower. It was like everything he saw had value and that is how he made you feel…valuable.

Matthew showed me what living in the moment really equated to, not because his future was unpromised, but because Matthew’s opportunity was to be claimed in the now, and the bottom line is humans live differently when they start staking claim of the now. Time starts to have quality and becomes cherished as it should be.

And it is that amazing child of mine who wanted to live. Truly only a child can smile while dying not that they should…it’s just that he did, all the time. Matthew’s joy and happiness had endurance, and that is the quality of life I strive for. Today I am thankful for my little muse, Matthew who presently teaches me even though being physically absent, because that is what unconditional love can do.

“I’m never ever giving you up, I’m never ever leaving you. Instead I’ll forever and ever love and cherish you.” – Shivansh Dwivedi



Originally published: March 13, 2020
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