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5 Things You Might Not Realize You're Doing Because You're Still Grieving

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Most of us have experienced separation in some way. Distance can keep us from loved ones, even in this day and age, or sometimes it’s the death of a loved one. The separation gets easier to deal with over time. Sometimes we develop habits that show we haven’t healed as well as we thought we had.

I’ve noticed several things I do simply because I miss my mother, who passed away from lupus 14 years ago.

1. You still search for them. I search for hints of her personality in myself and others. If a person exhibits her personality traits I find I connect with them easier. I even have hallucinations of her and may follow her at times. I typically hear her voice once a week or so.

2. You may try to “fill their space.” No one can ever take a loved one’s space or replace them, but you may search for the things you need in someone else, though it will never be the same. I have friends whose moms are like my second mom because of this. It isn’t the same, but it’s motherly advice and a hug when you need it.

3. You may have mixed feelings. Mother’s Day was not long ago and I intentionally avoided social media, because I knew everyone was going to be sharing Mother’s Day posts. I find my self getting jealous and even angry at times, because it doesn’t seem fair that everyone else got to keep their moms. It also makes me happy to see people spending positive time with their loved ones while they can.

4. You’ll feel empty at the end of the day. It’s like there is a big hole in your chest with no way to feel it. Therapy and medication helps work through it, but it’ll never leave no matter who you surround yourself with. You may intentionally wear yourself out during the day to avoid having to deal with it at night.

5. You’ll laugh about it. It’s dark, but that’s a thing especially with the millennial generation. We make jokes about difficult things as a way to make it seem smaller and help us deal with it.

This list could go on for miles. It is from my personal story, so yours may differ in various ways, and that’s OK. I know many others are dealing with grief and wanted to reach out to let you know you aren’t alone. No two stories are ever exactly alike, but that doesn’t mean we can’t relate. I hope this helps someone feel less alone.

Photo by Japheth Mast on Unsplash

Originally published: May 24, 2020
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