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Losing My Biggest Cheerleader

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Losing a parent is one of the hardest things to face as a child. Yes, the time comes when you have to lay them to rest, but it shouldn’t happen as a sixth-grader.

My mother passed away, unexpectedly, on January 12, 2010 in a surgery we were told would make her pain go away. I remember that day, the last words I ever said to her were “I love you mom!” while she said it back. Little did I know at that time those would be the last words I would ever speak to her. That day at school felt off to me. In gym, the first hour, I got hit full face with a basketball and had my lips busted. Then at recess a football hit my nose. But I knew something was up the moment my teacher got a call sending me home. She looked unsteady and almost on the verge of tears when I was leaving. One of my friends asked me why I was leaving early, and I cheerfully explained I was about to see my mom.

Dad grabbed my sister and me from school, and the whole car ride home was different. No one talked besides me, and Dad never took his eyes off the road. At home, he sat us down in the living room and told us. My sister was lost and was confused on what was about to happen. No one expected or even knew how I was going to react. Everyone knew how close I was to my mother. I never left her side at all. Now that she was gone for good, part of me felt gone. My dad said my brother was on his way over, and before he could even finish, I screamed at him, “You’re joking! Mom will come back! She always does!” My dad was trying to calm me down, but I wouldn’t. I stormed off to my room and started to throw my pillows everywhere, along with my blankets and everything.

I was a volcano that had just erupted, and as I got to the high point of the explosion, I threw my hairbrush at my mirror and passed out. I felt my body go numb and there was ringing in my ear until I became so exhausted, I was out.

The next part becomes blurry, but from what my brother tells me, he came into my room alone and helped clean me up, along with the mess, and brought me back down to earth. He knew my mother and I were close.

She was the only one who would be at every dance event, every rehearsal, every school fundraiser, everything. At my dance competitions, she would be the one screaming my name, and she was there as soon as I got off stage. I don’t have that at all anymore.

Even today, six years later, I still feel the pain of losing her. The fact that my mom will not see me marry the love of my life, be there when I have my first kid, see me send my kids off to school, etc., hurts me so much. Especially around Christmas.

But I know she’s looking down smiling and watching me turn into such a beautiful young lady.

Things do get better.

Image via Thinkstock Images

Originally published: December 22, 2016
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