11 Things People Wish They Were Actually Told After Someone Dies

Loss sucks. The only thing that can hurt more than death though, are the trite cliches people tend to throw at you right after you’ve experienced loss — phrases such as, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “They’re in a better place now.” 

For some, those words are helpful. However, for others, it’s the exact opposite.

We asked the Mighty community what they wish someone said to them after loss, instead of those worn-out cliches. 

This is what they had to say:

Honesty is the best policy with grief.

“I know there’s nothing I can say that will make this better, but I want you to know that I’m here for you as much as I can be.” — Christa M.

“I don’t know what to say, but you know I’m heartbroken for you” — Jill G.

“I cannot possibly relate but I am here to be present for you.” — Maya L.

Emotional validation is always needed when someone dies.

“What I wish someone had told me when someone passed was that it’s okay to feel conflicted with the person’s death and my feelings about it. I wish I had been told that any way I am feeling is valid and not wrong.” — Ashley N.

“You need to cry – I can tell. Can I please give you a hug? It’s ok to cry with me.” — Jill G.

“I want you to know there isn’t a set time you need to be over grieving. It’s okay to keep grieving.” — Amelia B.

“It’s ok to feel angry.” — @Sashahans 

Acknowledge that postmortem feelings can be… complicated.

“I know you had a complicated relationship and there’s probably a lot of conflicting emotions you are experiencing right now.” — Monika S.

“Whatever you’re feeling right now – whether sadness, anger, pain, relief, or anything else – is perfectly okay and understandable. If you need someone to talk to about it all, I’m here to listen.” — Beth W.

Sometimes words aren’t needed after a loss, but acts of service are.

“Do you need help with arrangements or any other tasks?” — Jae C.

Silence can say a lot when someone is grieving.

“Silence. My wish in fact is that more people would learn how to sit quietly and not feel the need to just say anything.” — Heidi F.