griefisweird

I thought from the first day you’d get better, because you always did.

You always made sure I knew things would be okay once the doctors got your levels right and stopped the stroke like symptoms... but this time was different and you knew it. You came to me in my dreams and let me know. You hugged me and smiled... that’s when I knew that you were gone for good. 

My world and heart shattered in pieces. How is a girl supposed to live without their mother? The person who gave birth to them. You watched life enter my body, and years later I would watch life leave yours. 

There are no more texts, calls or hugs. All I have of you now is memories, photos and voicemails.. that I cherish and cry at when I see them or think about them. 

The waves may not be 100 feet tall anymore but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt as much. 

Tomorrow our family is having a “Celebration of Life” for my nephew who should have turned 1 tomorrow. He only lived to 11 months though. I don’t know how my brother and his wife are still standing. My emotions seem to cycle...devastated, angry,sad,confused ...like I’m on this crazy train loop. We should be taking 1 year photos and loving on him, and instead we are having a remembrance service for him.