Some days I win the battle but over these last few days, BPD has scored all the points. Some days BPD seems to be a bit kinder to me. Not today though and I hate to lose the fight.

Today just feels too exhausting. I hate being this blubbing, puddle of a mess when I cannot face myself and literally want to tear off my skin because it feels so uncomfortable, sore, itchy, tight, wrong. Clothes don't fit, they ride up or down, labels scratch, too tight, too loose. Bra hooks dig into skin. A wrong day that has nothing to do with skin or clothes and everything to do with my mind.

Why do I even give a damn about what the WiFi guy thinks of me? Why do I care that I was trying to explain the problem to him and he became impatient and spoke to me as if I was an idiot who understood nothing? Why do I care so much at all?

I hate wasting days feeling so horribly bad and wrong and most of all ashamed. Analysing and re-analysing every single thing I have said and done and what an idiot I actually am and no wonder people treat me like one.

I started the day optimistically. I was sure it was going to be a good day but it degenerated into a mess. I am pleased the day is nearing an end and I can now, without guilt, hide under my duvet and pretend everything is fine.

Tomorrow is going to be okay. I am sure of that. It has to be. #fightingback #hopingforhappy #watchoutbpd