Idkanymore

i try not to affect them and I don’t just open up to them. My mother accepts that I needs space but she complains that I should just say something. But i don’t want it to come out the wrong when when she is happy towards me and put her down #frustratedbyignorance #Idkanymore

So apparently their was a rumor on snap chat that a shooter was supposed to come to are school today and when my gym teacher started talking about if their was a ever a shooting what to do and I’m almost done with middle school so I should have took it better but I started panicking full on anxiety attack and we were in the field to a point where nobody knew what to do so I kinda just had one in the school bathroom I stayed at school I didn’t want to go home for the reason that today me and my best friend were going to tell my parents about them but in 7th period the girl that has been ignoring me for two weeks started talking to me and I was so happy she was my second best friend and she understands my #anxitey and panic attacks and I would tell her almost everything so she just randomly started talking to me which means I won’t have #AnxietyAttacks about that anymore but me a my bff are going to tell my parents about my anxiety attacks how exciteing I’m am so scared to do this today

I don’t know how I feel anymore, I don’t feel anything for anyone and everything. I’m just sad about everything, even the simplest text or word bothers me a lot more than it should. Being treated like ur invisible and u don’t mean anything anymore hurts and I wish I didn’t let people just walk all over me... I barley got ever have a real smile anymore I never really laugh anymore I’m just not happy.

Lately I’ve been a mess, all over the place, and crying all day, and not sleeping well, and not focusing right. And all I wanna do is talk to one person, the person I trust with all my heart, the person I love, the person I can’t stand to not say hi to or talk to, I absolutely need this person in my life but for some reason it’s been so hard to talk to her about anything and everything.

Every time someone at school makes some autism joke, I try and ignore it but it makes me appreciate being on the spectrum less and less. I try and appreciate being on the spectrum more and idk why people make jokes just because it helps them feel better (it doesn’t help me feel better at all in fact it makes me feel worse, I wish people at school wouldn’t use autism as an excuse)

I wish I appreciated being on the spectrum more. I try to. But the more negativity I hear the less I appreciate me being on the spectrum.