IWannaBeNumb

again. again I screwed up. again I made people unhappy. and again I thought I was doing better just to crash and burn. when does it get better when does it end. why do I feel this way and why don’t it matter to the ones I want it to matter to.
twice this weekend I’ve been told I need to go talk to someone but why should I. just to have a therapist label me. I label myself enough to have someone else label me.!they are suppose listen to me to where they haven’t probably live through any I lived through. so who are they to say I’m depressed or suicidal. so why do they say a therapist is always there your insurance pays for you to talk about your feeling. you wouldn’t have to know someone’s there when you know there only there for the money. all I want is my significant other or a friends to understand just to be there. why don’t they see you slowly crashing why are they s blind when you aren’t even you are no longer you. when does it get better when do I feel I have a purpose. I keep praying for savior, but I’m not able to save myself. I refuse to rely on anyone but I don’t think myself can save me from this. #irelapsed #whendoesitstop #IWannaBeNumb #SuicidalThoughts

I’m really not. My kid has an issue with soiling herself and not telling anybody. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve talked with her, nothing works. I’m a failure as a parent to my child. I sat in the tub tonight and sobbed for 45 mins. I stared at my razor and listened to the demons in my head as they told me what to do. I held that blade for what felt like an eternity. I’m still here obviously. I put the blade in a safe place. I can still hear the dark in my head. I’m so mentally tired. #IWantSomePeace #IWannaBeNumb