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How Illness Has Taught Me to Find Happiness in What's Around Me

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There are so many things we, as humans, take for granted. Connections we make, laughter that ends up fleeting, relationships that take the back burner and times that seem like they were so many years ago. Memories that find their ways to the recesses of your mind, even though you need them to light your way.

I know I miss the ability to just get up and go, without having to take eight pills, worry about whether or not I would have enough energy to make it through the day or the new thing – whether or not I would be able to see while I was doing it, or even get through the pain to do it in the first place.

I look around all the time, more since I was diagnosed, I can definitely tell you that. I listen to the birds, even if they annoy me sometimes, and I have learned to feel the breeze. I guess we are so accustomed to rushing around that we kind of miss those little things. So much so that when you notice them, they seem beautiful to you, even though they were there all along.

It’s strange the way things work, all of the things I find comfort in seem to have lost their way to me, and not only am I lost, but we all are, like glitter thrown in the air.

We land everywhere but not all together.

I guess we will find our way. I don’t have a choice just like everyone else. Yes, life is not guaranteed – I of all people am very aware of that – but there are things we can guarantee in order to get through. To try to smile every day, and to find the happiness in the things, and people, that choose to be around us.

Even if you find happiness in the thought of being alone, that’s OK too. There are things we all need to be in the moment, to be gracious and thankful – regardless of the battles we face every day. Mine are hard, I cry more than most, I hurt more than most and I question more than I should. But this has humbled me, and I know that; it has knocked me to a place I don’t even recognize.

Finding my way out is hard, but I can and I will.

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

Originally published: May 8, 2018
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