Why I Don't See My Illness and Suffering as a 'Gift'

Let’s explore the concept that many people gravitate towards when something terrible happens in their lives of it being a gift. Now, if this concept works for you and helps you find peace, healing and health, then go for it. We all have to find what works for each of us. For me, I don’t find my illness and my suffering to be a gift.

I understand where this concept comes from. Many of us often try to keep a positive attitude and reframe things, trying to find the “silver lining.” I came from the coaching world, and have studied and applied mindfulness, so I know all the tricks. However this does not ring true for me, and here is why.

The suffering I have endured and continue to deal with does not feel like a gift. Do I practice gratitude? Yes. Do I find the lessons? Absolutely. Do I feel all the feelings? Heck yes. However when we are asked to look at suffering or illness as a gift, I find it to be like trying to put sprinkles on top of a pile of poop. No matter what you do, it won’t make it any better. It still is poop. It still stinks.

Sometimes we get gifts, and we can regift or exchange them. There is no return on the hours of suffering I have endured. There is no exchanging this for something less tormenting or traumatic. There is no re-gifting. You can’t just throw it back into the universe and say, “Nope, I don’t want this. Please give me something else.” You’re stuck with it, and all the suffering that comes with it.

People ask us to downplay our struggles, put something glossy over it to accommodate their insecurities around dealing with illness and suffering. After all, we aren’t usually taught how to deal with human suffering. We are often taught to block it out, numb it, move away from it, find the “bright side” and put on a good face. We are not taught to lean in, to be with it, to see what it has to teach us.

For me, illness and suffering is a teacher. It is not a gift. Please don’t try to reframe my suffering to suit your agenda of “positive vibes only.” I accept my circumstances, reluctantly, and I still hold onto hope, but it does not erase the suffering endured. What is a gift? Compassion. Empathy. Listening. Helping. Understanding. Those are gifts.