Thoughts this morning.

My bed got made today. You have no idea how happy it makes me that it is made. My mother taught me to make my bed every morning. And it’s a really good thing. It promotes a good start for the day and it creates harmony in your brain which enables calm thought process. It gives a sense of accomplishment and plus it just looks nice. Order. It creates order to the day.

But...I am not very good at it. I will say that I have felt all of those things when I do make my bed. 🛏 😊 like today.

For the last several years, I have battled with chronic pain. And I have learned to be a recovering perfectionist. (Obviously making my bed was not one of those things that I felt the need to be perfect in before 😂 ). But because I have had to slow way down, and learn balance, I have had to let go of those things that I have felt the need to be perfect in. My structure and “my perfect” have had to get adjusted standards. They are not lower. They are adjusted to fit the needs of my life. It has taken me a few years to journey through what “my perfect” looks like.

That hasn’t been fun. But it’s not supposed to be. Changing a core part of yourself isn’t easy. It does feel like I’m lowering expectations of myself. And sad...grieving my past self is inevitable. And I hear voices in my head, sometimes it’s my mom’s voice, telling me the reasons why I should “make the bed”, but mostly it’s been my own voice telling me how lazy, unstructured, useless, apathetic, pathetic and idle I am. Not nice. I had to abandon those thoughts.

No. I am not as productive as I used to be. And my house is not as clean as it used to be. My bed rarely gets made. But... what this unwanted journey has taught me, #begentlewithyourself #ChronicPain is to be gentle with self. Enjoy the soft sheets. Enjoy how the morning sun spreads it’s light over the covers. And if the bed doesn’t get made, or the dishes, or the paper, or the event, or whatever it is doesn’t get done...that’s ok. It will either get done tomorrow or by someone else (which is a whole other story...getting used to help and having it done a different way)...

... or maybe the bed won’t get made for a month. And that’s ok. Today it did. 🙂