perfectionism

#perfectionism

I've been searching to no avail to find a simple routine app for my iphone. I always set too many things to do, habits to track, and when I can't do them all, I feel like a failure. I've become obsessed with trying to find the "perfect habit/routine" app that will make me better. My perfectionism makes it hard because I want to do 100% in my routine/habits and I think it's because I keep choosing compicated apps that are more geared to better functioning people. That is not me. My depression is really bad. I know I should walk every day, so I plan it, but then it doesn't happen and I feel like a failure. A counsellor told me today to focus on 5 baby step habits. That's great and all, but what 5 do I choose? What 5 do I know for sure I'll do every day, that I will be perfect at. So, my question to all of you is have you found a very simple routine/habit app that actually helps you set baby steps habit and builds you up? Thanks.

I didn’t know there was a word for my behaviour. I thought I was out of control obsessive with researching anything I want to buy, do etc and spending days trying out habit tracker and mood tracker apps for example. I get teased about it. I hate it though because my life is going by while I hyperfixate on things. Thank you for share. #hyperfixate
#obsessive
#perfectionism

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I wish that liking yourself romantically or sexually or partnering with yourself wasn’t seen as narcissism. Thanks to most gen z (not all gen z btw, I’m also gen z) and just plain assumptions in general, autosexuality is sometimes seen as a narcissist identity or for narcissists. I’m autosexual and autoromantic, and I’m here to tell you that that’s not true.

I have this perfectionism attitude towards myself and blame myself for getting angry at little things. I immediately feel horrible about myself if I’m seen as rude or mean, with the exception if for absolutely sure that it was just an accusation, such as trying to stand up for myself. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts and actually attempted several months ago.

Autosexuality is not a narcissist identity. It may be uncommon, but it’s still valid and still an lgbtq+ identity.

#LGBTQIA #perfectionism

Lately I've been trying to meditate. As someone with OCD, and someone who has always had a very busy brain in general (I'm certain the two are related!), it's very difficult for me to slow my brain down and refrain from engaging with my thoughts. Man. I also struggle with being a beginner at anything, which is probably part of my OCD. Good grief, I am definitely a beginner with this though, and I am working on accepting that this is where I have to start to be able to make progress (yay perfectionism, am I right?!). A podcast I listen to said that most people experience intrusive thoughts every TWO SECONDS when they are beginners at meditation. That sounds legitimate. I swear sometimes I have a new thought every second, just BAM-BAM-BAM, popping into my head like fireworks, and each one clamoring for my attention. But it's supposed to help with OCD in the long run -- since it's all about accepting your thoughts without judgment -- so I am gonna keep on keeping on!#Meditation #MentalHealth #ContaminationOCD #HealthAnxiety #perfectionism

I would push the thoughts away as I had always done. By now my #perfectionism was at an all time high. Mom and my step dad had their own business which meant clients would call and stop by and I was expected to be a hostess but say as little as possible. I had embarrassed mom a few times and her scorn always left me feeling like I had nothing of value to contribute to any conversation. So, I avoided or stayed quiet. I thrived on work or school. I was a straight A student (except for grades 8-10) and was determined to get a good education and get out on my own. I figured that would be the solution. So, age 19, I move out. Have my own space (with lovely green long shag carpet lol) and for the first time I am alone. The nightmares began. Full technicolor full of sights, sounds, smells and touch — wake up in a silent scream, nightmares. So real that I wedged a chair under the doorknob and sat still feeling violated. I met a gal that was looking for a roommate and jumped at the opportunity. I lived with 5 people in one house and talk about drama. Lol This was a relief for me. Little arguments about dishes and bathroom cleaning and little “normal “ things. I was the problem solver in the house which really meant the peacekeeper. My solution to everything was I’ll just do it to make things better. It works when you are 19 and full of energy even if that energy is anxiety in disguise. I soon met my first adult boyfriend and was in my first adult relationship. We moved in together right away and were happy for the first year. Then the arguments started and as mentioned I was sick at work and forced to seek counselling. This was the first time that anyone had actually listened and not just listened but heard me. I was happy to go home and work on my anger and abandonment issues with my new tools. I even planned a whole weekend away with my mom to go whale watching. When I returned, I had barely made it through the door and it was like I had been punched in the stomach. My spidey senses on full alert, I walked through the apartment and found a mini skirt in my bedroom. I have never in my life owned a mini skirt. I called my now fiancé at work and asked one simple question, who was here? He listed a couple of his guy friends and left it at that. I am strangely calm and thank him tell him we’ll talk tonight and hung up the phone. I started cleaning and the more I cleaned the angrier I got (which of course was actually pain and betrayal). When he got home he had brought one of the people he claimed had spent the night over the weekend. I noted this calmly and then asked a few more questions before asking which one of the boys liked mini skirts? He looked confused then blushed and said oh yeah, my ex girlfriend was here too. Sadly, in spite of my gut feeling when I walked in the door, I stayed, for a while anyways. Continued my counselling until I felt ready to leave. To be continued…