What My House Looks Like in the Aftermath of a Depressive Episode

There are times I don’t know what is worse.

The feeling of despair and the pain in my heart?

Or finally feeling “OK” after finding inspiration and power from looking at my daughter.

Then I look around.

Months of mail piled up.

Bills unpaid.

Heaps of clothing on every bedroom surface.

My walk-in closet, overwhelming with disorder.

The dry cleaning that hasn’t been dropped off.

The countless bags for donation coupled with the boxes, bags and packages from my latest shopping binge.

Items that may or may not ever be returned.

I am filled with fear — how do I get out of this?

And overwhelmed with what to do…

How do I ask for help when I haven’t let anyone see the disaster that has come of my life?

I’m an adult, with a job, responsibilities, a child, people who work for me.

Yet, I am frozen with shame.

The pain in my heart is gone for now,

I should be able to move forward and deal.

I’ll make a list of everything that I need to do.

And I’ll put the mail in another box,
and try to make it through another day.