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The Ghosts That Haunt Me Before I Go to Sleep

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As I lay in my bed waiting for sleep to find me, the voices come back. I just had a long talk with a close friend about my condition. I have major depressive disorder. I thought the talk would silence the ghosts for a while. At least for a night.

But it doesn’t.

The voices come back. Telling me I’m a fool if I really think anything or anyone can help me. They tell me I’m doomed. They tell me they will not rest till they take me down.

Every day is a struggle. The more I resist and the harder I fight my ghosts, the more tired I am and the stronger the voices become.

I have a lot of people who love me. Family and friends who are aware of my condition and are very supportive. But when these ghosts visit, when they have their grip on me, it’s like I am underwater. I can’t scream for help, I can’t reach out. It leaves me helpless.

I know I am fighter. I will come out of it. Eventually.

But right now I just need my loved ones to understand. I want to thank them for everything. But I also want them to understand I am doing all I can. I need them to be patient. I need their love. I will make it.

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Originally published: February 9, 2017
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