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To the Man Who Loves Me Through My Depressive Episodes

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Please know that even when it seems like I’m not listening or I don’t care, I really do — my distraction isn’t a sign of disinterest.

Please don’t feel guilty about not being there when I need you because in your own way, you are. Little things that don’t seem like much to you, mean the world to me. Good morning texts, messages throughout the day asking how my day is going and what you can do to make it better, the “I love you” texts for no reason. These mean everything to me, especially during my depressive episodes. You are always there for me even when you are not physically there and I love you for that.

I know I am hard to deal with and I get irrational during my episodes, but you are always there, ready to wrap your arms around me when I need to collapse into them, saying nothing but saying everything at the same time.

I do long for the day when we start our life together, but I know that when that day comes, it will be worth the wait. In all those years, you never let go of my heart, and reconnecting felt like time never passed. I have always loved you. Even when I couldn’t love you, I still loved you. You patiently waited for me the same way you patiently wait for me to return to myself again after my anxiety sends me spinning and doubting everything. You reassure me that everything is OK. You understand me in ways nobody else can. I will always love you, my soulmate, my love.

Unsplash photo via Joanna Nix

Originally published: January 11, 2018
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