My Struggle With Antidepressant Side Effects Was Worth It

As soon as I got a proper diagnosis, a sense of relief that ran down my spine. That, “finally, now I know why I’ve been crying uncontrollably, moody, scared all the time, suicidal and unpleasant to be around” feeling. The doctor prescribed a set of antidepressants. No pressure, right? Then he mentioned, “it might take four weeks or more for them to work; it gets worse before it gets better.” I’m just there thinking, “I’ll ride out the way for another month.” Little did I know…

Little did I know that I was going experience drowsiness. Little did I know that my energy was going to be sucked up by some all-knowing leech that just won’t leave me with any energy left to even cook. Little did I know that around 11 p.m., I’d get up craving a peanut butter sandwich. Little did I know that I’d experience diarrhea and nausea. He didn’t tell me that I’d gain weight, or that I’d crave every carb available. He didn’t tell me that I’d struggle to study, to listen or make decisions. All he said was, “your moods will get worse.” All I thought was, “I’ll just be irritable, that’s it.”

Then I got irrelevant people who see it fit to comment on my situation. “Why are you taking those devil pills?” “Why are you gaining so much?” Little do they know that four or five types of medication, plus therapy, are the only things keeping me alive at the moment. Every single penny I have goes to three pills, plus medical care since I keep getting sick.

So now I’m broke, sad, hurting, “fat,” anxious, depressed, moody and, of course, suicidal.

It’s hell, but well worth it. Antidepressants have the worst effects, but the mental results are worth it.

It was hell, but a journey well worth traveling. I got burned, but came out with scars. I may have gotten bigger, but so did my mental capacity.

But still, he didn’t tell me. And that’s the problem. Little did I know.

Follow this journey on the author’s blog.

Editor’s note: Please see a doctor before starting or stopping a medication.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.

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Getty Images photo via borgogniels