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Please Tell Me: Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?

We’ve all been there. A relationship ends, you didn’t want it to, and yet here you are, freshly dumped by your partner. It hurts because you wanted to keep dating that person, but they were over it. Whatever the reason was, it’s over, but you can’t seem to let it go. Maybe there wasn’t closure, or there was infidelity. Let’s explore some of the reasons you’re asking yourself, “Why do I keep dreaming about my ex?

Lack of closure

One of the reasons it’s difficult to let a relationship go is when there is no closure. It could be that your ex unceremoniously dumped you but didn’t explain the reason. Perhaps it was something as vague as, “Well I can’t do this anymore.” That is one of the most frustrating statements to hear because what does that mean? And when you asked for clarification, they just said it was over. Despite how many times you’ve tried to figure out why they didn’t want to be with you and asked them for reasons they couldn’t give them to you. No wonder they’re showing up in your dreams! So the question is what do you do? Sometimes you have to accept that you will never get an answer about why it was over. You may have to live with the ambiguity. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it happens. Sometimes people leave marriages without saying a word and just walk out the door. Think about how much that lack of closure hurts. But life goes on and you deserve to find a person who wants to be with you.


If your ex cheated on you, it’s no wonder you’re dreaming about that. It hurts when somebody is unfaithful to you. And even if your ex gave you a “reason,” it still doesn’t make it OK. You may be wondering what you could’ve done to prevent the infidelity from happening. But remember there’s nothing you could’ve done. Your ex chose to cheat on you. Or maybe you’re angry at them, and you’re acting out fantasies about getting revenge about the cheating in your dreams. That’s understandable as well. Your feelings are valid. Your anger is understandable, and it makes sense that it’s going to take time to heal. They did something that hurt you, and you’re going to have to wait for those feelings to subside. You can dream about them and then journal about what you dreamt. Your subconscious has some serious work to do if you’re dreaming about punching them in the face because they cheated on you — nice work! Your psyche is doing a fantastic job working out your anger. Eventually you’ll let go, and you won’t dream about them as frequently as you are at the moment.

They’re the one who got away

One of the most common reasons we dream about our exes is if we feel like the relationship shouldn’t have ended. But it’s over, and you’re convinced this is the person you were supposed to be with for the rest of your life. Your brain cannot process these two things together. You want to be with this person, and you’re broken up. They are the one who got away. So what do you do you know? You let your subconscious work it out. You can’t control that your mind wants to be with your ex. And in “real life” it’s time to talk this stuff out in therapy. One thing that you can remind yourself is if you are meant to end up with your ex the best thing you can do is live your life without them. You’re going to think about them and dream about them from time to time and if the break-up just happened, those dreams happen a lot. What you need to do right now is start living your life. If you can’t seem to let go, it’s time to talk about it in therapy.

How therapy can help you get over a breakup

You can choose to work with a therapist in your local area or find an online therapist to sort out your mental health issues. Whoever you see for therapy, they can help you get through your breakup. It’s challenging because you were living your life with your partner. But you can get through this painful time. Your therapist is there to support you while you process why you’re still thinking about your ex. You need to work through those items resolved issues so that you can move on because something is stopping you. It’s time to find out what’s holding you back and find a way to get past it. Therapy is the perfect place to work on these issues.

Getty photo by Vera_Petrunina

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