The Mighty Logo

How I 'Review' My Brain With a Mental Illness

The most helpful emails in health
Browse our free newsletters

So my lovely friend MindFump came up with this idea, and you can find this post and other brain reviews on his blog.

“It is the future and we now buy brains, just like you would buy a car, makeup or a TV. What do we do when we want to buy one of these things? We Google them and read every review ever written for about five hours. You have been to the shop and you have bought your brain, or maybe you have even been gifted your brain. How marvelous – but now I want to know how you have been getting along with your brain. Write a review of your brain!”

Awesome, right? So without further ado, here is my review.

I received this brain almost 21 years ago now. For the first 15 years or so it worked perfectly, better than I could’ve hoped for. It was constantly working overtime to give me everything I needed. Brilliant memory capacity, above and beyond with its imagination capabilities and generous happy setting. Around the 16 or 17-year mark, it started to develop a concerning tendency for switching on its self-conscious mode without warning and getting stuck.

drawing of writer's brain scan in color

Around the 16- or 17-year mark, it started to develop a concerning tendency for switching on its self-conscious mode without warning and getting stuck in that mode. I didn’t worry too much as I’m aware brains are a little unpredictable at this age and often fluctuate but then settle back to a comfortable setting. Unfortunately, this brain didn’t and has only gotten worse. It now refuses to function normally in the morning and is prone to emitting extreme anxiety at this time, rendering me completely useless and to be honest a bit of a wreck.

As well as this morning glitch, it also has unpredictable periods of massive depression. This peaked in its 18th year, almost causing me to cancel my contract completely. It also seems to have developed a virus that is almost sentient and separate, that manifests in a near constant background monolog of criticism and negativity. This has caused paranoia, debilitating loss of self-worth, eradication of any form of confidence, very short-lived but very intense bouts of irritability and a constant desire to hide away from people and life. That said, in between these effects, it is still a very creative and imaginative brain and still has the capacity for intelligence, wit and an extraordinary love of life. It’s very empathetic and caring and often emits an almost childlike joy in life’s simple pleasures. Its love, loyalty and caring settings also work without a glitch.

I think with the right virus software to reduce its out-of-character tendencies, this brain would be not perfect but imperfect in the most beautiful way. I would recommend this brain for a person with strong character and a strong sense of self to allow them to work around it’s more negative aspects.

Overall I would give it a three out of five-star rating.

Follow me on Twitter@water_thought. You can also follow Mindfump on Twitter @mindfump. 

Follow this journey on Waterfall Thoughts.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Lead image via the contributor

Originally published: March 31, 2017
Want more of The Mighty?
You can find even more stories on our Home page. There, you’ll also find thoughts and questions by our community.
Take Me Home