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What I'd Like to Hear Instead of 'You'll Be Fine' When I Ask for Help With My Mental Health

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I’m not a fan of the phrases ”You’ll get there” or “You’ll be fine.” It’s hard enough to muster up what little courage I have to say, “OK, I can’t do this on my own,” and then go to someone who I think will understand, and it frustrates me when all they can say is, “You’ll be OK.”

I struggle with anxiety on a daily basis and mild depression. I recently had a really bad episode as I am trying to go for my certification in my job, and when I went to ask for help for courage or someone to listen, they just said, “You’ll be fine,” or “You’ll get there.” But I was feeling not good enough and really frustrated.

I found myself getting more and more agitated that I couldn’t find help from people around me; I started to shut down so much I ignored every text message and phone call. Thoughts started swarming around me, each one on top of the next, until I turned to my music and clicked on the ambience playlist. Then I thought about taking a bubble bath, or sitting upwards with hot tea or coffee in my hand and a candle lit in the background.

So, what’s my problem? Why am I writing my feelings for the general public? (That alone makes me want to crawl under a rock.) I want to embrace my feelings and emotions in a healthy way, and I feel if I share them, I can and will be stronger. I can even help someone else, and I believe we can be stronger as a whole.

I don’t have it all together; I am not perfect. I am a woman who has feelings, emotions, bad days, good days, sad moments, happy moments, confidence, aggravations, difficulties, strengths, weaknesses — all of the above and more.

When I finally opened up to my significant other, even though I was afraid of what he would think, he was really understanding and just hugged me. That helped me realize I don’t have to have it all together; I can be where I am, a day at a time. If we can understand that life is a journey and not a race, I believe we can work through each other’s differences.

So, how do I think we can better support each other? How about instead of saying “You’ll be fine” when someone comes to us for help, we try:

Is there something I can do?

You’re not alone.

I’m here for you.

Do you want to talk?

I’m here to listen.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, look no further.

I believe it’s how you choose to deal with challenges that make you, you. I will continue to write after I figure out how to be happier as a whole, but for now, I’m taking this journey day by day, finding happiness for now in the little things.

Image via Thinkstock.

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Originally published: December 5, 2016
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