When You Want People to Be Understanding – but Also Treat You Like Everyone Else
I want the impossible.
There, I finally admitted it. Or maybe I just realized I want something that doesn’t exist. I want everyone to treat me as if there is nothing wrong with me (like I don’t have a chronic medical condition — first time allowing these words to apply to me) and I want people to understand when I am not able to do everything I may have done in the past in the same way. In recovery I have learned my old way of living — working ridiculously and trying to never say “no” to work, friend and family related requests — helped contribute to my break down. If I return to my old habits, I have a greater chance of relapsing. And I don’t want that.
How to find a balance and explain it to people? I have no earthly idea. Unless you could get inside my mind (which I would not recommend) there is no way to understand my thought processes… and even then they are rather confusing. My desire to be capable of anything and not get overwhelmed with high demands are at major odds with each other.
Having only been out of daily treatment for a little over a month, I see how easy it is to slide into old habits. And I am committed to not letting that happen. When and if I figure out how to handle/explain this to those in my daily life I will share it. Until then I will continue to search for the impossible — or improbable!
At least today I am taking a break for some self-care! I’m going to an alumni event with some friends from my treatment program — and plan to bring this up for input. Reaching out is definitely a step in the right direction.
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Devi Knapp is a mother, wife and art educator. With a depressive episode that began in the summer of 2014 Devi finally had to come to terms with the fact that she had been living with both anxiety and major depressive disorder for almost 30 years untreated. When not at work or with her family and friends she can be found in therapy, blogging about the ups and downs of living with mental illness (Yet Another Hot Mess), doing photography, reading or baking.
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