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17 Things to Do If You Feel 'Unlovable' Today

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When you’re struggling with your health, sometimes it can feel altogether impossible to make it through the day, and much too easy to feel “unlovable.”

Maybe depression and anxiety are making it hard for you to get out of bed. Maybe you’re experiencing a flare-up from your chronic illness, and just wish someone understood. Or maybe you’re struggling with being single, and today just feels extra hard.

On days when you’re feeling unlovable, it can be difficult to sit with those feelings, not knowing what to do. So we asked our Mighty community to share things they do to make themselves feel better when they are struggling with feeling unlovable.

Here’s what they had to say:

1. Read Messages From Loved Ones

I read back on past letters or text messages friends and family have sent. I remember the memories where I felt valued. Or if that doesn’t work, I try some self care — doing my makeup, taking a shower, doing something I enjoy to at least help me love myself again. Self-love is the most important.” — Emily W.

“I made my friends and family write me little messages and notes, and I’ve been collecting happy memories with my Polaroid camera. I have it all in a box and when I feel down and worthless, I get it out. Never fails to make me smile.” — Tamsin F.

2. Spend Time With Your Pet

“As silly as it sounds, I find my cat and hug her. Because even if a human can’t love me despite me being sick, she always will. Whether it’s a Crohn’s flare or depression low, she’s there by my side. On days when even I can’t love me, she does.” — Rachel K.

“Walk my dogs in the bush. I find peace there.” — Bev B.

I usually find my cat and cuddle him. He usually starts purring as soon as I touch him, but it’s a struggle for anyone else to get him to purr. It’s enough to help me calm my mind enough that I can push the doubts away.” — Karlee F.

3. Spend Extra Time Getting Ready

“One thing I do is I make myself look as good as I can. When I look just a bit better on the outside, I feel better about myself on the inside.” — Sparkles S.

“Might seem shallow but… I shower, shave my legs, do my best makeup job, wear my favorite outfit and jewelry and go out somewhere… even if it’s only to Walmart, I feel confident and at least likable if I look my best.” — Julie S.

4. Take Yourself Out on a “Date”

“I take myself out on dates. I will go and have lunch or dinner. I buy myself my favorite flowers. I look at the family pictures my kids draw.” — Katherine M.

“I pamper myself. Take a long hot bubble bath, fix up my hair, do my makeup, etc. Then I take myself out and get myself a nice dinner.” — Eileen S.

5. Shower or Take a Bath

“It sounds silly, but a bubble bath. Specifically anything that smells like Christmas or autumn because those scents bring back almost ‘warm fuzzies’ type feelings. It makes me thank myself for taking the time and effort to put something together my struggling self can appreciate.” — Kira K.

I take a shower. Just that small of a thing helps.” — Kirsten D.

6. Work Out

“I work out. The release of endorphins really helps my mood, I feel more attractive even though there’s no immediate change to my appearance. I also remind myself of times when I did feel loved with photographs and letters of times gone by.” — Alexander P.

“I will go swimming. Swimming is my love and passion.” — Tomas M.

Train at the gym.” — Jonathan R.

7. Do Something Creative

“Write something. Sing something. Draw something. Express something on the physical plane what comes to my mind.” — Mark S.

Accept it and find something fun to do. I usually default to making soap or bath bombs or something. Despite feeling unlovable, I have a few things I love to do!” — Sandi C.

8. Show Love to Others

Try and distribute love like there’s no tomorrow! Because if I’m wrapped up in myself, those around me might not feel the love I have for them. So it’s best to show it and love is received in return!” — Princess B.

“I compliment other people and leave a smile on their face to know they’re loved. If I can’t feel loved, I’ll give it instead, so they won’t have to feel like I do. And that in turn makes me feel better.” — Abbie L.

9. Look Back on Your Photos and Memories

“Look back at memories and pictures online and phone. I take pictures daily to remind myself I am loved and I can do this.” — Andrea V.

I [look at] old pictures of myself, and think about all the things I’ve done to get to this point in my life. I feel proud, strong and that I owe it to myself to keep fighting even in the worst moments.” — Mariana C.

10. Clean

“I try to keep myself busy. Cleaning is usually my go-to. I actually just got done cleaning my bathroom to distract myself from feeling lonely.” — Abbey F.

11. Hug or Reach Out to a Loved One

Sometimes I reach out to my sisters. They always make me feel loved and make me laugh.” — Jessi F.

“Hug my kids and be happy I have them, my wife and what I have become and accomplished in my life. Nobody who ever put me down made or me feel like shit can ever take that away from me.” — Chris M.

“I cuddle with my son. He always makes me feel loved, no matter what.” — Samantha G.

12. Treat Yourself

“Get myself a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates.” — Emily P.

When I feel unlovable I self-care… Buy myself something nice but meaningful… Do things others would only tolerate or not support because only I have an interest in it. I make the whole day about me.” — Knowledge L.

13. Listen to Music

 I listen to music. My dream is to touch people with music, so I listen to music that has touched me and I imagine I’m the person singing it and that I’m saving the lives of broken people through music. It makes me feel better because I know I’m going to be there someday.” — Ana C.

I lay down in bed, turn my music on and drift into another world.” — Bridget D.

“I listen to upbeat music and stuff that makes me feel like a ‘bad ass’ lol. Or I’ll shower and do my makeup.” — Maegan M.

14. Write Yourself a Love Note

“I used to write, ‘<3 yourself’ on the dust on the back window of my car. Every time I would look in my rear view mirror, I would read it, over and over again. I would also write it on my bathroom mirror so I would have to see it over and over. The more I read it the more I started to practice it, the more I practiced it the more I started to accept I could love myself with no self-judgment.” — Sabrina M.

15. Take a Nap

“Sleep. If I can get a couple hour nap in, it helps.” — Dave A. 

16. Watch YouTube Videos

“Another thing I do to make myself feel better is I look up posts/videos of Wentworth Miller. With him being a mental health advocate, his words and wisdom help inspire me and give me hope. He helps me feel like ‘I can do this and make it through.’ It puts me in a better and happier place.” — Sparkles S.

17. Watch a Favorite Show or Movie

I watch Netflix. Seeing other people’s lives makes me feel less lonely.” — Storm C.

If it’s really late and I have no one to talk to, I rewatch certain shows I like because I feel love through the characters and it gives me a feeling of happiness. On days I feel more open, I’ll text my sister and she’ll tell me she loves me and explains why to really get me to understand.” — Asher N.

What would you add?

Getty Images photo via Anetlanda.

Originally published: February 14, 2018
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