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Today, I Should Have Taken a Mental Health Day

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Today, I should have taken a mental health day.

I woke up drained and tired, but I knew I actually had things to do when I sat down at work. I wanted to just sit in the shower and feel the hot water hit my numb skin, but I knew I had to push through. I was holding back tears as I put on my mascara because I knew it would run. I filled my coffee cup, knowing it wouldn’t keep me alert through the day.

These are frequent thoughts that run through my head most days of the week. There is nothing I want more than to lay in bed, because it drains all my energy to get dressed in the morning. I should have taken a mental health day today, because although I am already at work, I don’t feel any better. I hold back tears all morning and feel numb with no emotions or feelings when talking to customers, but I know how to put on a show. It takes everything I have to fake a smile all day.

I want to take a mental health day, but I don’t want anyone to know about my illness. I don’t want my boss to look at me differently or think I’m “faking it.” I want to feel comfortable in my skin, and I want people to be there for me. Hell, I want me to be there for me. I should have taken a mental heath day, because I need it. However, if I didn’t get up every morning, I’m not sure I would have made as much progress as I have.

I push myself every day, because I am better than my illness. I am stronger than my illness. I take a mental health day every once in a while, because I need to take a day of rest so I continue to think these thoughts. So I can continue to push through this. Because of mental health days, I am winning.

Image via Thinkstock.

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Originally published: December 15, 2016
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