When Today Is 'One of Those Days’

There are days my head spins with doubt, fear, anxiety, anger, pressure and insecurities. There are days when I feel like I’m failing. The weight of not being good enough becomes too heavy that all I can do is just rest and be still. My head orders me to move, but my body doesn’t listen. There are days when my body cries to move, and it is my mind’s turn to say, “No, be still.”

Today is one of those days. Yesterday is gone, but its events have created a blanket that has wrapped me up with sadness, loneliness and confusion. My yoga training is insufficient. My attempts to center and realign myself are unsuccessful.

Sometimes, life hits hard. Sometimes, the punches keep coming. Sometimes, I get hurt. Sometimes, I wish to turn numb. Disconnecting is the easiest and safest remedy.

Today, I hurt. Not just my feelings, but also physically, my chest hurts. I’m angry, sad and scared. My tolerance is low and continues to fade with each insult. The wounds haven’t yet healed before the knife strikes again.

I’ve learned that grief, pain and sadness are inconvenient for everyone else, which is a coincidence since it’s not especially convenient for myself. Only, I can’t ignore it. I can’t leave me behind and escape myself. One cannot escape oneself.

Frustrating? Yes. Discouraging? Yes. Painful? Yes. Hopeless? No.

My hope remains. I know someday I will be better. Someday, I will be productive and joyful. Someday, I will be confident and self-reliant. I wish others could see this too, instead of turning away to pass me by.

My someday just is not today, because today is one of those days. Today, time reminds me all is fleeting. As yesterday passed, so will today. I will make it through. On days like today, that’s considered a success. For today, I will do the best I truly can despite my appearances. Hope for a better tomorrow takes hold and looks forward, and I take in the view. Pleasant tomorrow, my friends.

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