To the Girl in the Waiting Room, From the Girl Who Used to Be You

To the girl in the waiting room,

This is how I usually look. This is my mask when in fact I feel like I’m dying. Every second of every day is a struggle. It’s a fight. A while ago my mask slipped. I had no make up on. My hair had not been washed in days. I was dressed in old dirty clothes and I looked double my age. I made an emergency doctor’s appointment because I didn’t know what to do. I needed someone to help me.

The doctor was running late and you came in and sat next to me. I’m sorry if you thought I was weird for staring at you with my eyes filling with tears, but you see I wanted to speak to you. I wanted to tell you so much… I used to be you. You looked my age, but that day I looked twice your age. You were beautiful. You wore lovely clothes, your make up was perfect, your nails were painted and you were tapping away on your phone. You see, since I have struggled with mental illness, I notice everything. I felt you looking at me. I knew you must have been thinking how bad and unwell I looked.

I wanted to say to you, hey, what you have what you have right now — hold on and don’t let go, don’t ever take it for granted. Life can change in a second. I know the pain of being ill and the pain of losing people — I don’t want that to happen to you. I don’t want it to happen to anyone because it is truly soul destroying, but I have learned to appreciate everything. I just wish I had appreciated it when I was well. So that’s what I wish I had told you. Hold on to your life cherish everything because life is truly precious.

From, the girl who used to be you.

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Thinkstock photo via yukihipo