I Jotted Down My Thoughts Between the Waves of Migraine Pain

It is after 3 in the afternoon and I’m back in bed.

I had just gotten up around noon.

My head is pounding.

I’ve caught this migraine too late. Now, I get to suffer until it goes away. It could take hours, even days.

I’ve taken medicine — I’ve taken a lot of medicine — and my head continues to pound.

The light from outside is too bright in this room. My curtains need to be thicker. Maybe I’ll go lie down in the closet like last time.

Light sensitivity is the worst on pretty days.

Auras make it hard to see.

The air conditioner running outside is too loud.

The day is too much to handle with my head feeling this way.

All I’ve had is coffee, though it feels like I have the drunk spins. My vision goes blurry, especially my left eye, and I see little fireflies of light.

My head feels like it’s swollen with pressure.

The ponytail holding my hair is too tight.

I take a shower or bath with lavender and peppermint oils. The smells are too much and I feel it radiating in my skull. I sit on my bathtub neck pillow and let the water hit my back. I let a wet towel sit on my neck; sometimes, the weight helps.

I wish my bathroom didn’t have the window at this moment. The sunshine hitting white walls only makes it brighter. When I stand, I can see every drop of water from the shower head as they fall, hitting the sunshine and reflecting a little glimmer and flash of light.

That, too, only hurts my eyes more.

My head hurts. It’s making me nauseated. I may puke.

I feel better for a moment but even that is short-lived.

Every movement, I can feel the gravity in my head. Shaking out my wet hair is impossible. I let it be, drenching the back of my shirt as it dries.

I drink as much cold Gatorade as I can stand. Too much and I feel it in my head. Maybe I should leave it room temperature.

I wear my dark sunglasses to help, the migraine glasses aren’t dark enough. Earplugs in because any noise is just too much to bear. I try wearing shooting ear muffs. They help the noise but they’re too tight on my head. The sunglasses I’m wearing are almost too much weight, even.

If I don’t move, maybe I’ll be OK.

Maybe I’ll take some medication and knock myself out. Maybe I’ll wake up with no pain. Maybe that would only make it worse; it has before.

Think happy thoughts; endorphins and serotonin should help.

It’s been hours since I’ve taken my second dose of migraine medication, an hour after my first.

I go pee in the dark, in my other bathroom. I like this room because there is no light or window. I try to sit and not even open my eyes.

My skull refuses to quit. I wanna take a power drill to my skull and chip away the left side. Why is it always my left side that gives me pain? The left side of my head? My left hand? My left-side ribs? My left-side bowel… I’m not all right, alright.

Maybe I’ll take another shower. I used all the hot water last time; I wonder if it needs more time. I take a second shower anyway. I let the water beat my neck and as soon as I feel some relief, I get out and save water for the next one, if needed.

Déjà vu as I move slowly and get redressed, barely combing my wet hair again.

I’ll need to color it again after all this hot water on it, but not today; that would be too much movement and too much weight on my hair.

I may end up needing a third shower and I don’t want to rinse it right after coloring.

I can’t even think about dealing with that right now, anyway.

More Gatorade. Drink as much as I can stand. I need to buy an electrolyte drink; I’ve read that can help migraine.

I eat a peppermint in hopes it distracts the pain away.

Crackers; I’m so nauseated I can barely stomach them but I need to eat something. If I do puke, I’d rather it be crackers than stomach acid and bile.

I need to lie down.

The phone is too bright and thinking hurts, too.

I can’t think of anything other than the pain. I can’t stop wishing it would stop. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do to make it go away.

I eat dinner in the dark, followed by medication and a third shower.

I shouldn’t have gotten up; my migraine is full-force again.

Seven hours of pain at this point; I’m exhausted.

I go to sleep, finally.

When I wake up around 5 a.m., I am a completely different person. I can see without blurred vision. My head feels clear. I can move without immediate head pain and I am relieved. Now, I just have to be extra careful today to keep the migraine away.

This is my train of thoughts during a migraine episode.

Yesterday I woke up around noon; I’ve been having insomnia issues that lead me to sleep in late. Not two hours later, I could feel the migraine in the side of my skull. I took migraine medication and another one an hour later. I took all of my migraine meds and I still didn’t beat it in time.

Once the migraine hits and takes over, it’s too late. There was nothing I could do but try to rest and not move.

When I did try to lie down, I kept thinking about ways to explain what I was struggling through, so I jotted down my thoughts in between waves of pain, showers and trying to rest in the dark.

But, when I woke early this morning, it was gone and I felt better; hallelujah. You are never more grateful for a clear head and no pain as you are the day after a full-blown migraine.

I know I do need an emergency migraine kit and hey, that could be a blog, so I’ll get on fixing one of those for days like yesterday. If you have one, what do you keep in yours?

Thanks for reading. I know it’s not much but I wrote it all out anyway. This is the best way I know how to explain the debilitating pain of my migraine attacks.

I’ll post more soon.

Until then, for me, it could be worse.