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I Have MS, and I'm No Longer Afraid to Admit When I Feel Good

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I have a secret: I have MS, and today, I feel good.

I say this is a secret because until recently it made me uncomfortable to admit when I am feeling well. I preferred to keep it to myself, reluctant to share my good days. Only recently did I realize that I wasn’t just keeping it from my family and loved ones, but rather that I did not want to admit it to myself in fear of getting too comfortable.

I have relapsing remitting MS, which as its name indicates, means the condition goes into relapse and then rears its ugly head (likely when I am least expecting it). As a result, I have gotten comfortable always wondering when I am not going to feel well. I may feel good today, but tomorrow I may not be so lucky. Instead of focusing on my good days, and what I am able to accomplish, I worry about not being able to make it to work tomorrow. Or making it to our fun family summer vacation.

But now I have come to recognize what I’m doing. And I realize it is not to anyone’s benefit, most certainly not to mine. So today I can admit that I feel good. I was able to take my kids to school, get groceries and meet girlfriends for dinner. It is a great day.

I am looking forward to this weekend when I will play in the splash pad with my kids and perhaps sneak out for dinner with my husband. And in the event I don’t get to all those things, that is OK too. Because today, I will enjoy feeling good.

Getty Image by nereia

Originally published: May 26, 2018
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