April 2009 is when my life was forever changed. After the car accident in December of 2008, something was “off.” Deep down, I knew it. Tingles shouldn’t last this long in my leg. My doctor confirmed: multiple sclerosis. After two MRIs (lesions on my spinal cord and brain) and a spinal tap (T-cells present in the fluid), the diagnosis was clear. And so began my life living with a chronic disease.
At the time of diagnosis, my boyfriend (and now husband) was supportive. I told him he could leave me, no questions asked. He looked at me, shocked. That wasn’t an option to him. If I had any question in my mind that this was who I wanted to do life with, they were all erased in that moment (for the record, I didn’t).
My disease is “silent.” This means I don’t look sick. My mobility is normal. Every part of my disease is my subjective experience. It’s mostly bouts of extreme fatigue, which I manage with exercise and rest. My tingles in my right leg (lesions/plaques that won’t ever heal) come and go and become stronger with infections, allergies and hormone shifts. The double-edged sword is, I don’t look sick. My husband will say he forgets I’m sick. I never forget, especially with the weekly injections I administer. Good thing I’m not afraid of needles!
I’m learning to take care of myself. I say no when I need to and no longer feel guilt for resting. I ask for help, which is still hard. I delegate responsibilities around the home and errands. I used to burn both ends of the candle. If I do this now, I pay for it the next one to two days. My disease forces me to be more gentle with myself. This has been my blessing.
There’s not a day goes by that I don’t give thanks for my husband. It is my belief that MS has brought us closer. It forces us to work on our relationship and communicate with one another on a regular basis. I can truly say I am married to my best friend.
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Thinkstock photo via altrendo images.
I am a mental health therapist and I enjoy reading about first person perspective about the human experience of life.
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