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The Picture That Sums Up My Frustrations With Chronic Illness

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This simple picture sums up my frustration today with multiple sclerosis. I am a strong person and fight like hell for independence but MS fights back. I lay my head down at night and count my blessings for that day. I pray for a good day tomorrow, to feel good and to have strong legs. I am pretty good at managing some happiness despite the struggles and avoiding the pity party.

But today I am just tired. The last two weeks have worn me thin. The good days have not been present. A few good moments and some good distractions but not enough.

I am tired of feeling tired, dizzy and blah. I know there are many of you with a chronic illness who can relate.

I am struggling to maintain my leg strength but the amount of walking versus rolling time is getting less and less. I never imagined the progression from MS would happen so fast.

I put my leg brace on this morning hoping it would provide some support for walking and standing during the morning routine. Nope.

So I did what many of us with chronic illness do. I pushed through and made a bad choice. I know when my leg is really weak and not supporting me but I don’t always acknowledge it. The phone rang and of course it was out of reach. I tried to maneuver from the dining table to the wheelchair too quickly and down I went. I wasn’t hurt, just not in a position or level of strength to pull myself up.

So off comes the brace because I need to bend my leg. I am fortunate my 20-year-old daughter was home and could hear me. I hate it when my family sees me like this but glad they are old enough to handle it. I have no doubt I would have gotten up on my own eventually. It isn’t the first time.

I am fine. I have a great life and am looking forward to watching my son play baseball in a few weeks. But today, MS, I am tired of you.

Those of you running the rat race of life wondering when you will have time to relax, enjoy it. There may be a time when you miss the rat race.

Originally published: May 20, 2019
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