Battling Loneliness During Cancer Treatment

It’s hard to imagine that in a bustling hospital filled with doctors, nurses, employees, patients and their families, a person could ever feel lonely. But it was in that period of time I felt the greatest sense of loneliness I had ever experienced in my life.

My daughter had been diagnosed with osteosarcoma and we were sent six hours from home for her to receive treatment in Denver, Colorado. Our life had been turned upside down and everything was unfamiliar. We had no friends, family or support system to lean on in a new city, and it was one of the most terrifying times of my life.

When we returned back home during her treatment breaks it was apparent not all friendships were the same as before. I was saddened some were fading, yet I tried to be understanding about the reasons why.

Some people you consider close friends may begin to shy away or keep their distance. They are not sure what to say, so they stay away for fear of saying the wrong thing and upsetting you. They do not realize you need them now more than ever.

I know it’s hard to understand, but do not take it personally. It’s not about you, it’s about them.

Cancer can rob you of many things and of those, lost friendships may be one of the hardest things to accept.

It’s also helpful to give the benefit of the doubt.

Before my daughter was diagnosed with cancer I didn’t even know a pediatric cancer patient. I didn’t have a clue what those families went through when a child was diagnosed. I hadn’t “walked a mile in those shoes” and I wish nobody ever had to again. I didn’t know how much a family needed support during a time like that.

The diagnosis hit us like a ton of bricks. How was the rest of the world still moving and everything in our lives came to a crashing halt?

But there are things you can do to help combat that lonely feeling.

First, be honest. If a friend asks what they can do to help, suggest a day out or to spend time together. Let them know how are you feeling and that you would like some company.

The phrase “stronger together” could not be more true than when talking about fighting cancer. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for what you need. People want to help, but in most cases, are not sure how or what to do. Let them know what can make a difference for you.

During treatment some people are away from their workplace, and that further increases the lonely feelings because they do not have a regular connection to co-workers they enjoyed previously. Now is a good time to reach out to new friends.

I know what you are thinking: “I don’t want to go out and make new friends, I’m exhausted just thinking about it and I don’t feel well.” But consider this — there is an enormous “tribe” of people who know exactly what you are going through.

They understand the new lingo you have had to learn and the fears and side effects you may be experiencing.

They won’t be offended if you have to break plans at the last minute because you are exhausted and nauseated from a recent treatment.

They get it.

And that’s why these new friendships are so important.

There is so much support out there and you don’t have to look far. Your oncology office or hospital can put you in touch with local support groups. If none are available in your area, a quick Google search can offer support groups you can join online.

I found an amazing group on Facebook just for osteosarcoma patients and their families. They have been an extremely valuable source of support and advice. People belonging to these groups are very understanding because they are fighting the same battle.

Move out of your comfort zone.

Strike up a conversation with another patient in the infusion center or waiting room.

Get to know your nurses who spend so much time with you.

Reach out to another cancer patient or family — they may be experiencing the same feelings of loneliness that you are experiencing.

Another way to combat loneliness is to volunteer to help someone else. When we are struggling in our own lives, the surest way to pull through a hard time is to lend a hand to someone else experiencing a challenge of their own. When you shift your focus to making it better for someone else chances are, you will feel better, too.

Life after cancer treatment can also be lonely in its own right because people assume that you are “back to normal.” Some conversations you used to have with friends may not seem as important now.

A life and death struggle changes you, it forces you to prioritize your life. This is why it’s important to reach out to the people in your tribe. They understand the feelings you are experiencing because they have “been there, done that,” too.

I do believe post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) affects cancer patients and “scanxiety” is very real. If you are experiencing these issues please talk to someone. It can be in person or online, but these feelings should not be taken lightly and there is help available.

Most importantly, just reach out. You’ll be happy you did.

Know you are never alone and your cancer “tribe” is there for you. We get it and we understand.

Cancer robs, but if we all work together to support each other, we can fight back against this terrible disease.

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Thinkstock photo by LittleBee80