27 Surgeries Taught Me How to Cope With a Heartbreaking ‘Detour’ in My Life
Nobody expects a detour in life to happen. It’s what happens when we think we have things all planned and figured out, and then we’re thrown a curveball.
I’ve survived a coma, organ failure and 27 surgeries and emerged triumphantly, so I’d like to think I’m used to curveballs. The most rewarding feeling in the world is to be able to use my unpredictable journey to help others navigate their own detours.
But when I’m at the crossroads myself, I’m always reminded how difficult it is to move forward when life doesn’t go as you expect, and what you thought was certain suddenly veers in a different direction.
I always try to be transparent about things in my life because I’ve seen in my own experience that keeping things hidden never does any good. For years, I kept to myself, living in isolation, only speaking to my doctors and parents. It was difficult to function in the outside world without a stomach. Not being able to eat or drink was a pretty big isolating factor.
So I’ve experienced what it feels like to keep things in — painful emotions or even joyous moments of gratitude. Sometimes all we need to do is reach out to feel like you’ve been heard, and suddenly, we’re able to move on. In bringing a struggle to light, you’re helping yourself, and even better, you never know who else you may help.
So that thought outweighed my trepidation in sharing this major “detour” in my journey. I started the campaign, #LoveMyDetour, to help us all love the unexpected glitches in our lives. “Loving My Detour” is all about flourishing, not in spite of, but because of obstacles.
But sometimes, you don’t love your detour right away. Sometimes you just have to trust your detour, follow it and know in your heart that eventually you’ll love what happened to you.
I’ve written about having glitches, imperfections and finally finding a wedding dress to fit my ostomy bags after 27 surgeries. After I found a dress, I thought my wedding woes were over.
It came as a complete shock to me after only 11 months of marriage to find out I’m getting a divorce.
To say “sudden” is an understatement. I had just married the love of my life. I had asked my husband if he was happy, and he had reassured me he was — daily. We were deciding where to go out to dinner to celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary, which would have been in June.
Our last night together was spent hand in hand, eating frozen yogurt, confiding in each other and planning the days ahead. One last kiss and then the next week, I was hit was a succinct text message demanding a divorce with no alternative. He had ordered a marshal to come to my parents’ house to deliver my “papers,” and that was it. He shut his phone off, and the rest of the night was spent pacing around my parents’ kitchen table, crying so deeply I couldn’t breathe.
When life changes unexpectedly, we’re forced to question everything we thought we knew about ourselves. I’ve learned though my 27 surgical “detours” that trying to “go back the way you came” won’t get you anywhere. You have to move on — even if it hurts.
I tell myself that if I can get through a coma, organ failure and six years of being unable to eat or drink, then this, too, like everything else, will pass. We are all stronger than we know.
I still feel that by sharing our own detours, even if they’re not so great in the moment, makes us all stronger. So that’s why I share. Moving forward, trusting our detours, one day at a time.
I don’t have the power to change others, but I can take charge of my own path. I’m even starting to date again, but, of course, I think the one person who needs the most love right now is me.
No matter what “detours” we have in our lives, we’re all capable of pursuing our trails with a bit of support, even if the “support” we have may change over time.
I try to remember I have good friends, family and a truly good body that has been tried, tested and triumphant through years of medical interventions and setbacks.
Every detour leads somewhere. And I know that one day I will “Love My Detour.”
Follow this journey on Amy Oestreicher.
Artwork by Amy Oestreicher
Amy Oestreicher is a PTSD peer-to-peer specialist, artist, author, writer for The Huffington Post, speaker for TEDx and RAINN, health advocate, award-winning actress, and playwright. As a survivor and “thriver” of nearly 30 surgeries, a coma, sexual abuse, organ failure, and a decade of medical trauma, Amy has been challenged with moments of extreme difficulty. But, as an artist, actress, college student, and overall lover of life, Amy eagerly shares the lessons learned from trauma and has brought out the stories that unite us all through her writing, mixed media art, performance and inspirational speaking. Amy has headlined international conferences on women’s leadership, entrepreneurship, mental health, disability, creativity, art therapy, and domestic violence prevention. She is a regular lifestyle, wellness, and arts contributor for over 70 notable online and print publications, and and her story has appeared on NBC’s TODAY, CBS, Cosmopolitan, Seventeen Magazine, Washington Post, Good Housekeeping, MSNBC, among others. She has devised workshops for the Transformative Language Arts Network National Conference, the Eating Recovery Foundation, the 40th Anniversary New England Educational Opportunity Association Milestones Conference, the Annual National Mental Health America Conference, and others, and was this year’s keynote speaker for the Hawaii Pacific Rim International Conference on Diversity and Disability. To celebrate her own “beautiful detour”, Amy created the #LoveMyDetour campaign, to help others cope in the face of unexpected events. To creatively engage others in improving mental health , Amy developed a program combining mental health advocacy, sexual assault awareness, PTSD education and Broadway Theatre for college campuses, organizations and conferences, launching a Detourist Network, and Detourist Workshops to creatively fight stigma in society. “Detourism” is also the subject of her TEDx Talk and upcoming book, My Beautiful Detour, available December 2017. As the 2014 Eastern Regional Recipient of Convatec’s Great Comebacks Award and WEGO Health 2016 “Health Activist Hero,” Amy is a passionate voice in the ostomy community, founding the online community Fearless Ostomates, speaking for National and Regional WOCN conferences, and writing for the official print publication of the UOAA. Her presentations on alternative medicine, and patient advocacy and healthcare have also been accepted to international conferences on patient care, internal medicine, medical trauma and therapeutic humor in healthcare. As a playwright, Amy has received awards and accolades for engaging her audiences in dynamic conversation on trauma’s effects on society, including Women Around Town’s “Women to Celebrate 2014, BroadwayWorld Best Theatre Debut, and Bistro Awards New York Top Pick. Amy has written, directed and starred in a one-woman musical about her life, Gutless & Grateful, touring theatres, schools, festivals, conventions and organizations since it’s 2012 New York debut. Her original, full-length drama, Imprints, exploring the effects of trauma on the family and the healing power of creativity, was a finalist at Manhattan Repertory Theatre, and is currently in development for a full New York production. Amy’s collaboration with Beechwood Arts on “Resilience and the Power of the Human Spirit”, has traveled around the world, using her monologues, art, writing and recipes to express the life-altering detours and ultimately the invaluable gifts of her resilient journey. She is also a passionate arts advocate, a successful mixed media visual artist, a continuing education studio arts teacher, and an active member of the League of Professional Theatre Women, League for Advancement of New England Storytellers, Fairfield County Cultural Alliance, Theatre Artist Workshop, and several art guilds throughout Connecticut and New York. Amy is currently touring the country with her one-woman musical, Gutless & Grateful, her keynote presentations, workshops and signature talkbacks, which she has devised specialized versions for corporations, college campuses, survivors, healthcare professionals, and artists. She is leading mixed media creativity workshops to promote creativity as a mindset, an essential survival skill. Amy also offers creative coaching and consulting services help others navigate their own “life detours,” and prides herself most on ending each night with a gratitude list. Together, we’re stronger.
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