Not being a person who smiles a lot but wanting to become one. It’s more difficult than one might think. I think non smilers have something deep down that needs-a-fixin, but it’s hard to know what that is. I think to smile and emote joy and happiness is a vulnerable thing for some people and it feels like a loss of control. It sounds strange but I think smiling requires a stoic person to let go and let someone else take control of the emotional environment. It’s a form of submission to the things that offer joy, and though it seems like an easy and desirable choice, there seems to be some deep “default mode” that wells up and wants to say, “that’s not funny/delightful enough.” As though something has to reach some high standard to break the internal feeling of a “clenched fist.” I want to have the lowest standards of what evokes positive emotions instead of holding it in. It feels absurd not to just let myself be impacted by happy things. For me, to react at all is to give up control so it’s mostly those I’m very close with that can make me laugh and feel happiness. I’m sick of this dynamic in myself. I want to laugh and smile at everything. Keeping a tight lid on emotions is not beneficial. I think Family Systems work might help. To say, “hey (part of my brain that resists smiling) if we could just smile at everything and experience joy and laughter safely, what would you rather do instead?”