10 Things I Wish Would've Happened When I Reported My Rape

The police are here to help us. Some are good, some are bad, but that is not the point of this article. The point is what I wish would’ve happened when I reported my rape.

• What is PTSD?

Here are 10 things I wish I could say to the cop who gave me a short interview 10 or so days after my assault.

1. I wish I had been met with empathy, understanding and enough care to reach beyond standard questions.

2. I wish I didn’t have to think twice about what I wore to the police station, because I knew I’d be judged.

3. I wish you would’ve taken a look at my phone and saw the photo of the bruise I had from that night, the texts I had from my rapist clearly proving I wanted nothing sexual.

4. I wish you hadn’t shut your notebook so suddenly when you heard me say that I only said no before, not during the rape.

5. I wish you had saw my pain and the magnitude of what this would do to me in the years to come.

6. I wish you didn’t have to ask me what I was wearing that night.

7. I wish you hadn’t told me it’s a gray area and a date gone bad.

8. I wish you didn’t say if my clothes had been ripped or I had “proof,” then maybe it would hold up in court.

9. I wish you didn’t invalidate what had happened, because no matter how many people try to contradict your words, your voice will forever come first in my list of doubts.

10. I wish you knew where I was now. I wish you knew the pain that happens after.

I know you had a job to do and maybe it wouldn’t have held up in court at all, but my point is, you can be better. All cops can be better. When we come to you in denial and shock, we need you to care. We need to know that we aren’t invalid. Rape will never be a “date gone bad.” We know when we say no it means no, it is never a gray area. I hope someday you can see that too, and you can be a better man and cop for it.