Do you ever feel like riding a horse while on your period? Neither do we, but apparently period product commercials believe we do (and we have #opinions!). In this episode of The Mighty Podcast, host Ashley is joined by Camara, Shruti, and Skye to talk about the “taboo” experience that is having a period. They discuss societal “norms,” what doctors do – and specifically don’t – know, and just wait to hear some of the go-to euphemisms we use when it’s that time of the month.
You can also listen on our Spotify for Podcasters page and on Apple Podcasts.
Episode Transcript:
Ashley Kristoff
Welcome to The Mighty Podcast, where we infuse the health space with positivity, humor, and vulnerability. The Mighty is a safe and supportive community here to help you find the people and information you need to navigate your health journey. We are so excited to spend some time together today. Now, let’s get into what the health we’re talking about. And today, we’re talking about periods. And before I introduce some of the fantastic guests that we have here today, I do want to call out that I know that this has historically been an uncomfortable topic for some people, and I really urge you to sit in if that is you.
Having your period isn’t a disease. It’s an experience approximately half the world’s population goes through. So take this as an opportunity to dig into something that you may typically want to shy away from or think you don’t need to know about.
To talk about this. We’ve brought in these lovely guests — Camara, Shruti, and Skye.
I would love for you all, for you know anyone who hasn’t listened to this podcast before, to just say a little bit about yourself.
Camara Rauen
Yeah, I’m Camara. I’m the multimedia supervising producer at The Mighty. In my free time, I dance the night away, whether that’s in my dreams or just in the moment of life.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
Hi, I’m Shruti. I’m the staff writer here at The Mighty, and in my free time, I write or, read, or just enjoy some quiet time at home.
Skye Gailing
Hi, I’m Skye. I am the editorial and community associate here. Basically, I work on newsletters a lot. So, if we’re talking about our free time, lately, I’ve been on this real nonfiction kick-reading memoirs by women in pain. Specifically, it hasn’t been light reading, but it’s been great reading.
Ashley Kristoff
And I am your host. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Ashley. In my free time, on occasion, I am a part of a historical Viking educational group. So I go to weekend events where we have like a living history encampment and do education. And I just happen to be going to an event this weekend. So it’s very heavily on my mind.
But now that we know who the lovely people talking today are, I want to get this kind of gut-check feeling from you at this moment before we have this whole conversation. What makes you feel Mighty about this topic? I’m going to start with Skye because I feel like she is going to be the most ready for this one.
Skye Gailing
Oh, hey, you’re right. I feel Mighty about periods and menstruation when talking to others about it or maybe like shining light on topics within the broader topic of menstruation and gynecologic health. I like talking about the science behind it all with other people. But I probably feel my Mightiest when I do my Depo injection every 12 weeks. Have I messed up the past few and ended up with a bruise? Yes. But I’m getting better at it.
Ashley Kristoff
Just for anyone who doesn’t know what that is? Can you explain that? What Depo shot is? Injection?
Skye Gailing
Yeah, not to brag, but since I got my first period at age 11 — which has been a while — I have had problems with it the whole time I am now. I just turned 27. It’s been a long time. In the past, I started doing the intramuscular Depo Provera injection. So that’s the brand name for it’s like medroxyprogesterone is the actual hormone in it, and so, it doesn’t have any estrogen in it. So it’s an injection you get every 12 weeks, and now I do the subcutaneous version, which is why I’m able to do it at home. So, it’s a slightly smaller dose. The IM (intramuscular) one is 150 milligrams, and the SubQ (subcutaneous) one is 104mg, I believe. Yeah. So I do that every 12 weeks. It’s a… I should mention it’s a form of birth control.
Ashley Kristoff
Thank you. Over to you, Shruti. What makes you feel Mighty about this topic?
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
Honestly, I don’t feel very Mighty about this topic. I’m one of those people who feels very uncomfortable talking about period. And that’s because of the conditioning and where I grew up and all the cultural stigma around it. I’m from India, and we have a lot of discussions about period, but it’s mostly hush-hush. I’m looking forward to this discussion, and ask me again at the end of the discussion.
Ashley Kristoff
Will do. What about you, Camara?
Camara Rauen
I feel Mighty about this topic as someone who has gone on the journey to try and get a diagnosis for my period pain and still has not found one. I also love taboo topics, especially whether it relates to mental health or physical health. Periods have always been this thing that we’ve been told we’re not supposed to talk about. Feeling like my own health, which is a natural thing, not to be feeling like I have to hide it away, has always been something where I’m like, I want to break taboos. I want to learn about this and understand it and be able to help share more about it and learn what are the true ways to help my period and help others. So, that’s where I feel Mighty — is learning more each day or each cycle. I feel like each cycle, I learned something new, and I’m like, “Ah, period! I thought I had to figure it out. But no, you brought something new this time.”
Ashley Kristoff
I mean, I think the great thing about this is that we’re going to really balance out because I think my answers were very similar to yours, Shruti. It’s something that, I don’t know if I would say necessarily uncomfortable, but definitely wouldn’t say comfortable. I don’t have a good relationship right now because it’s just been something that’s been kind of getting worse over time. And so it feels particularly hard to have any good feelings about it when every cycle feels a little bit worse than the last. So, I love that we have very mixed feelings about this because I think that’s going to bring a lot of really interesting points to this conversation.
The first one being I’m really curious about what phrases or euphemisms that you have heard or use yourself when talking about your period? For me, I genuinely use this every time. I just love saying it’s shark week. It makes me laugh because I also think about the idea of being bitten by a shark too. You would be bleeding. You would be in pain. It brings a little bit of levity to something that is a really hard period — pun intended — during the month.
Skye Gailing
I think shark week’s really funny. I hate the phrase when people are like, “Oh! On the rag.” And luckily, that’s an older phrase, I think now, back when, like, all pads were reusable and stuff like that.
No, it’s disgusting. What does make me laugh, though, is like my dad. If I mentioned my period to my dad, he’d be like, “Oh, when is it? 1920s? 1930s? Is it a period drama?” And I don’t know — that kind of makes me laugh. Otherwise, I used to use only euphemisms in part because this wasn’t a thing we talked about in my house. And I was like the first of my friends to get it. I was so ashamed. I didn’t even tell them. And because I’ve had, like Ashley mentioned, such a tumultuous relationship with menstruation. I used to only use euphemisms. And now I’m much more, ‘Well! Let’s get down to business about menstruation.’ So yeah, that’s where I’ve landed.
Camara Rauen
I feel like I’ve heard a bunch of different phrases growing up. I’ve heard the — we all know the one — “It’s that time of the month! It’s just the time of the month.” I’ve heard the phrase, “Oh! My friend is here. It’s just a neighborhood friend.” That’s not a friend! What kind of friend is this? This is a very mean friend. It’s very weird. When I first got my period, I was very — I don’t know why — excited to get it. I’m just like, “Oh, it’s my period. Oh, whatever. I’m growing up.” And of course, very quickly after, I’m like, I regretted feeling that way. Pain that came after — many cycles after —I’m like, “This is a painful reward.” I think I’ve never heard the rag one. That made me.. ugh! I feel like there’s a good one about a vampire or something.
I’m curious, Shruti, in India, what people would call it or, if at all, what was brought up there with periods?
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I never used the word period until just a couple of years ago. Until then, it was chumming, and it’s based on a bucket of chum. And it’s usually, “I’ve got my chums this month,” or, “That time of the month,” or, “It’s my moon time.” Or, “the Russians are coming.” That one’s really weird and so inappropriate. But yeah, Russians are coming. Or it is my cousin red. Everything felt icky. Didn’t feel like the right way to talk about it.
Ashley Kristoff
You just reminded me of one that I’ve heard a bunch, which is moon sickness. It is one that also makes me laugh. Some of them just make me laugh. I’m really curious about these, just based on how you all have responded? Do you feel like you’re using those for yourself? Or for other people? Do you feel like you’re using those phrases because it’s something that you would want to do and makes you feel more comfortable? Or to make somebody else more comfortable?
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
For me, personally, it felt like it was just what people wanted to hear. Most of the time, it was that time of the month or it’s happened. You don’t even mention what is happening. You just say it’s happened, or anything that just doesn’t make sense, for that matter. It’s just that I am not well was a very frequent thing that we used to say if it was for other people because they’d feel very icky hearing about it.
Camara Rauen
I do feel like it had this kind of he-who-must-not-be-named kind of notion about it. Like we would say, it’s that time of the month. It kind of was a group mentality. Like we don’t say it, we don’t say what it is, you don’t talk about it. We don’t talk about what it actually is. And it just became common knowledge. It’s like, we don’t say the word – Voldemort. We just say it’s that time of the month. That’s that’s the polite thing to do.
Skye Gailing
I would get so aggravated hearing time of the month, too, because it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Because until I started taking my injections, which was like 2015-2016, I would get my period for very heavily for 65 days at a time, with only a couple of days as a break in between and then another 65 days. And so, as you can imagine, I was severely anemic, but I was always like, “What do you mean it’s just one time of the month for you?”. And like nobody cared that I was like, “It’s not once a month for me!”. I think hearing that now just like really dredged up some memories.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
That reminds me of one of the common terms in South India. Translated, it says… When you’re talking to people who are not menstruating, whether it’s children or adults, they’d say, this person is sitting out of the house today. So it was a way of saying anybody who’s menstruating right now should be away — should be kept aside — because that’s impure. And now was a euphemism that they say they usually see “Vellila.” But it’s usually out of the house. And they’d, in fact, make these people sit outside in a different room, and they’re not allowed to mix with people. You’re not allowed to touch them.
Skye Gailing
The idea of purity is so wrapped up in menstruation. It’s just bonkers. We could do a whole thing on this. I’ll just recommend the book “Purity and Danger” by Mary Douglas, the anthropologist. But yeah, it’s so frustrating. It definitely plays into, I think, the shame and why we use euphemisms so much. It’s because we’re like, oh are, “bad people” for menstruating. Ugh!.
Camara Rauen
It’s just so frustrating that, like a natural process that half the population goes through, it is stigmatized in so many places, demonized, telling the people you have to go sit in a different room, that it’s just insulting. I’m really sorry that, the experience, that sucks.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I know that when I was growing up… Again, we are from a different generation. So, my parents were more open. And, in my family, we didn’t really follow this. But my mom’s extended family did. But I was surprised when I was 19, I found out that I had a friend who in her house, they had a different entrance and a different room, and you have a different bathroom, and cutlery and plates and everything for when you’re menstruating. And you’re not supposed to see anyone. Nobody’s supposed to see you. They just placed the plate outside their door so they could eat. See, this is why it’s a very difficult thing to talk about. Because you’ve just been conditioned to think that it’s something wrong and something ugly.
Ashley Kristoff
Yeah. And especially when mood shifts are such a common experience people have, you’re already feeling in for a lot of people much lower place. And then to have that societal expectation and to have those things happening from other people around you. That has to make the experience 10 times worse than it naturally is.
You know, speaking of kind of those mood shifts, mood changes like that. I’m curious about the common symptoms for you that you experience.
Skye Gailing
So much pain? Granted, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve menstruated because of my injections, but the pain was always the worst. It was constant all 65 days. It was just so extreme to the point where I would be lying on the floor, curled up in pain. And I did… I started getting ovarian cysts when I was 14. And I remember the gym teacher being like, “Why are you sitting out a class?” and I remember just saying to him, I was like, “I have ovarian cysts. Thank you!” I just got so frustrated. And in part, I think with the mood changes, too. I would just feel so low, and then the pain makes you feel even worse. And then you’re like, “What’s wrong with me? I’m inherently broken!” And then you go to the doctor, and they’re like, “You’re just constipated.” And I’m like, “Oh, I shouldn’t be missing school for anything.”
I literally had an Ob/Gyn say to me at 14, I’m curled up on the exam table — just had an ultrasound — I’m in excruciating pain, and she’s like, “You’re just constipated. That’s not a reason to miss school.” And I’m like if I’m getting that much pain from anything, like that’s a problem. And so, you know, I just hid everything for so long. And I think that also, like the media portrayals of symptoms are awful.
Like, I think it took until only a couple years ago for me to be like, Oh, mood swings happen to a lot of people? Regardless of their reason, they just happen? And it’s OK to have different kinds of moods. That took a lot!
Camara Rauen
The symptoms that we go through during our cycle, like… First off, no one cycle is the same. There’s a lot of people who don’t just have it once a month, or they don’t even have a period at all sometimes, and then it randomly will come up. There’s so much we don’t understand because of the one notion that we see as a period, or our only experience we’ve had, or the one that’s just generalized. And also, symptoms don’t just happen during the week of bleeding and menstruation. There are the symptoms the weeks before the symptoms, during ovulation, like… There are for different people different experiences.
For me, the week before my period comes, I just get severely depressed. I have like really high highs and really high lows. I have these mood swings that I don’t always fully understand why I’m feeling certain ways and why I’m getting agitated about things that normally I could let go of. And I really have to take time to process and think about.
And then, when my period actually comes, it’s more so like the cramps, the intense pain. I have, like, I call — the first two days are my blackout days. If I don’t take a certain medication by a certain time, I’m in the danger zone. I might not be able to do anything today; I might have to just curl up on my bed and hope the pain will go away. Because there’s a certain point where medication will do nothing for me if I don’t take it soon enough, from my experience.
I also have digestive issues and constipation, to get really bad around my period, right before and during, and it is painful. And it also is just weird to talk about and to explain to doctors there’s so many different symptoms of things that you can go through, like the fatigue and trying to remember what’s going on in your life. Yeah, there’s just so many, to name a few. I always will say, of all the symptoms, cramps, for me, just are the ones I wish would go away.
Skye Gailing
Yeah. And if you have a chronic mental or physical illness of any kind, and you also menstruate, it just makes everything a million times worse. And it’s so hard to talk to people about your symptoms because you’re like, “OK, well, what’s my normal experience of chronic migraine, and what’s my like PMS-related migraine?” And, even though — Camara, like you were saying — I don’t actually bleed these days, I still get the PMS symptoms, and it’s awful.
Camara Rauen
An old roommate I used to have is on a form of birth control where she doesn’t get her physical period anymore. But she gets the symptoms. She has a condition that I learned about called PMDD, where PMDD is a more kind of severe PMS symptoms that makes your depression really bad for, even multiple weeks before your period. And throughout, I learned a lot about different conditions. And we talked a lot about periods together from that experience. But it shows that even if you’re like, “Oh, I want to get rid of my period, maybe birth control will help!” Maybe. But that’s not necessarily going to get rid of some of the mental and external symptoms, especially if you have a condition related to it or a mental health condition as well.
Ashley Kristoff
Yeah, and I just want to say that, for anyone who doesn’t know PMDD — the acronym is premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I could relate to everything you just said, Camara, and the migraine bit, Skye. For me, growing up, it was the cramps only because that’s the only thing that I noticed. And that was the only thing that was associated with the period — everything else was not. But eventually, I learned that mood changes and the irritability that I felt five days leading up to it… Anytime that I felt irritable they asked, “Are you PMSing? Is that why you’re angry? Is that why?” So, I usually feel like this severe hopelessness and very low lows. And anger, like the kind of anger where you want to tear someone apart if they get in your way. But the cramps are the worst back pain, stomach ache, and abdominal cramps, and it’s also just as bad while I’m ovulating. So it’s still the period kind of cramps when I’m ovulating. People said it goes away, and it gets better once you have a kid. I had a kid. Trust me, every period feels like labor. What about you, Ashley?
Ashley Kristoff
I think I can relate to a lot of these experiences that you all have. Cramps and pain are definitely my number one symptom. It’s obviously in that kind of uterus area — that’s the word I can think of. It’s there. But it’s also lower back. It’s also like upper thighs. It’s sometimes can be elsewhere in my body, so that those are just consistent spots. So that gets me the most. I think mood is probably equal or number two on the list. Definitely has shifted a little bit over time. Because I have bipolar, too. I usually get depressive episodes. There’s that kind of thing happening in the background. But, like that week before the period, most of the time, I sometimes feel like I’m slipping into a depressive episode. And it’s not quite the same. They definitely feel a little bit different. But it can get me down to that kind of same level of feeling. I have those things.
I’d say, probably the main other one for me would be, like, I think, fatigue and like some digestive things. So, I have ulcerative colitis, which I think makes things a little bit more. I don’t have the constipation; I’m usually in the bathroom more often during that time. So I think that kind of plays into that symptom for me, but it just sucks like it genuinely all at once the symptoms hit, I’m like, I’m, I’m screwed for a couple days. I’m actually like at the end of my period right now. And I’m thankful for it because I got it as a surprise on Saturday because it was early, because I don’t have a predictable cycle. I was like, later today, this is gonna suck. Because for some reason, I didn’t have any pre-symptoms this time, when I usually do. And literally, three hours later, I was unmovable on the couch. The range of the symptoms that I experienced each month, while they’re the same, they’re also very different in how they show up. Do you see if those symptoms shift month to month, or does it tend to be kind of consistent for you?
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
It’s definitely shifted a lot over the years. And I can see that it kind of mirrors with the season as well. In the summers, it is usually worse, winters, much better. But right now, is the past few years, month on month, it just feels like it’s getting worse and worse. And it’s just not… And I think for me, the worst issue is that I have to be so much more mindful about what I say and how I react and how I respond to people around me, when and before having a period. Mainly because people don’t really understand. And also, if you are on the other side, you get it. You get why they don’t understand. And that’s probably been the most difficult to do. Because I also live with a mood disorder. I also live with other issues which get in the way, which are aggravated during PMS, but it keeps getting worse. And I set reminders on my phone to tell myself, “Hey, this is coming. So you better be mindful, don’t get into fights, don’t say anything. Try not to talk much.”
Ashley Kristoff
The fact that we’ve all had our periods for a significant amount of time at this point and still have to remind ourselves should tell you how tough that time can be. The fact that you can’t always remember, that you need to give yourself extra kindness and grace, and mindfulness is, I think, very telling of the experience that you go through.
Camara Rauen
Also, like you’re saying, Shruti – is that periods change as you get older. Like I used to be told, “Oh, as you get older, the cramps will get better; things are going to improve as you get them.” Like, I think they’ve.. there’s been waves. I’ve had periods where I’m like, “Is this how my period’s going to be for the rest of my life? That would be amazing. This was mild, this was so reasonable.” I’m just like, “Oh, I don’t need medication.” The next period comes along, and I’m just like, “It’s all going downhill from here. OK. This is not… I was wrong.” So, I feel like my symptoms keep fluctuating.
There are weeks where I’m shocked that I don’t have as much PMS or mood swings as I would think before my period. I definitely have been caught off guard by my period before. Normally, it’s pretty regular. I have an app that tracks it. It’s usually on whatever time of the day after the day before. But once in a while, it’ll come two weeks early or two weeks late. Or why not three days early or three days late? Like once it becomes predictable, it becomes unpredictable.
I feel like my digestive issues have gotten worse. I feel like my cramps may come and go. They’re either milder or then worse. I feel like there’s one period where it’s worse, and then the next one will be better. And then it’ll be worse. It’s becoming flip-flopped. So my stomach, my back… One thing I have noticed that I want to say is if I don’t have bad cramps, I will feel like the world is collapsing on my face, I will feel so much emotion, and I will cry and won’t even know why. And if I have bad cramps, I’ll feel emotional during my period, but not as bad as if I don’t have bad cramps. Weird thing. And I don’t know which one’s worse. Been trying to figure out that battle of which one I would pick
Ashley Kristoff
Is neither an option? I guess not. But that would be the option. I would think.
Camara Rauen
At this point, it’s the tale of two evils, which is, Oh, what’s the phrase?
Skye Gailing
The lesser of two evils?
Camara Rauen
The lesser of. There we go. Skye knows all the phrases. It’s the lesser of two evils. Although I feel like they’re equally evil.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I feel like, when we spoke about one month being mild and the next worse. Maybe when it’s mild, we’d forget what it was like. And so the next time feels even worse than that. That’s what happens. I don’t know. It’s just worse every time. And my husband says, “Oh, you say this every month, that it’s the worst period you have ever had.? It’s true. It is! It is the worst period I’ve ever had. How do you make someone believe that?
Camara Rauen
I feel like it’s really hard also for people who, for people who don’t have periods and have never gone through that pain before… I think it can be hard sometimes. Even if people are empathetic and try to understand, it can be really hard to explain. Because it’s not- not a pain that they experience every month. It’s not something that they go through and can know what worse is, what better is, what cramps feel like versus a stomach ache, what the mood swings on top of cramps on top of fatigue on top of multiple symptoms, and if you have other conditions, feel like. If you are not going through that, yeah, what’s the big deal? But you’re not going through that. You’re not there with it. If you’re not there with it, you can’t know what that is.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
You feel like your whole body is attacking you. And you feel this for days. And it’s so hard to have a good relationship with your body after that battle. Like, No, we don’t usually talk about wars and battles in this scenario, but it does feel like that. And it’s your body. So, it’s also how can I hate something that’s actually a part of me? And it’s doing this for me — which is such a messed up thing to come to terms with.
Skye Gailing
Yeah, I remember my pediatrician… The first appointment I had after I got my period for the first time, he’s like, “Yeah, and like gorillas in the forest – they’re menstruating. It’s just a natural thing.” And I’m like, that has stuck with me for so long as it was like the wildest conversation I ever had. He was trying to make me feel better, I guess. And even from a young age, I was like, I never want kids. I know that as a fact. And by 27, I stand by that can we just make it all go away?
Ashley Kristoff
I want to come back around to that doctor in a second. But I want to say that we did ask the community, you know, what period symptoms they experience. And so, I think you’re gonna see the results are actually very similar to what the four of us have talked about. Pain came in at #1, mood instability or mood swings and fatigue came in at #2, and then close, in order one percentage point off, we had digestive tract symptoms, bloating, and headaches. The wide range of experiences and the fact that we all have the top tier, these are the ones that affect me the most, is really interesting.
I did want to say — just because you had talked about Skye, that doctor — it definitely sounds like a doctor who hasn’t had a period, and so doesn’t know how to have that conversation with. Your child at that point. You’re not even a teenager most of the time at that point when you have your first period. And so that doctor did not know how to have that conversation and his perception of that being a helpful story for you? Very interesting. So I want to go into that. I want to talk about misconceptions, like where have you seen those misconceptions come through because it sounds like the doctor might have been one of those people.
Skye Gailing
The doctor… That was… It was so wild. I was like 12. I remember I had my Latin textbook with me, too. And I was like, I gotta get to school after this. I don’t have time for this nonsense conversation. It was like a wildly long monologue. But doctors, I talked about that even that Ob/Gyn earlier who was like, “You don’t have to miss school for this.” Or even other family members, friends… I think it’s in part because we’re taught next to nothing that’s accurate about menstruation. But we’re fed all this garbage information. Can we talk about how, for pad and tampon commercials, the liquid was blue until recently? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever…
Ashley Kristoff
Is it not blue anymore? Did they make that change?
Skye Gailing
I saw a commercial that had red liquid. It didn’t look like blood, but it was red.
Ashley Kristoff
Alright!
Skye Gailing
I had to seek out so much information for myself. It was wild. I… my first ovarian cyst, I thought I had appendicitis. One of my parents took me to the ER and the other one was like, “No, if it’s just like cramps, you’ll be fine.” And so I’m laying in pain the whole day. And there’s just yeah, thank goodness, right before I was about to have exploratory surgeries, one of the doctors was like, “Oh, let’s do a CAT scan.” And so then they found out I had ovarian cysts. But we talk about this a lot at The Mighty, like distrust of certain health professionals and medical trauma. And I feel myself just getting worked up, and I feel my pulse skyrocketing. Now, just because I feel like there’s so much injustice done across the board. When it comes to mental health for everyone, not just me.
Camara Rauen
The way that it’s portrayed… Growing up, the education we get, it’s not… I feel like, especially for the way that some people interpret it… Even some people who have periods — I feel like — don’t fully understand because of their own experience or understanding how it can be different for others. I feel like there’s just so much that needs to go into how we talk about… how we educate our kids with and without periods and the doctors that we have.
I feel like even my gynecologists that I see who have periods they sometimes are not the most knowledgeable people to talk to. I’m like, “How? You’re in this field.” And then I’ll see videos of guys who think that you can hold in your period. That like, it’s like pee, you can just control when you are having your period or not. And, like, where is this coming from? And then like you were saying Skye, in the media, how tampon ads are marketed and how pad ads are marketed. A comedian I like, Sasheer Zamata, has a really fun clip about how tampon commercials are all like, “You’re on your period? Don’t let that stop you. Get out there! Go surfing! Get on a horse.” You don’t want to do that even when you’re not on your period. Why are we advertising that we should do that?
And how there have been studies that show that period cramps and certain period pain is equivalent to a heart attack. We wouldn’t tell someone who does not have a period that if they’re having a heart attack, “Get on a horse, go ride off into the distance, just go have a fun time. You can handle it.” Why are we doing this?
Ashley Kristoff
I will say… In terms of misconceptions, though, if we could hold it in and then just go in rutty. Boy, that would be a really convenient way to do things. So, like, yes, it’s a misconception, but also, that would be a great one to be true.
Camara Rauen
I wish it was! I would love that to be true. That would make things so much easier. I feel like. But no. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. But it would be a fantastic theory that is a fantastical fan fantasy, not in this world.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I think because I grew up in India, there’s like a lot of cultural stigma myths and misconceptions that I grew up with. Primarily, that you are impure, it’s bad blood. When you have your period, you shouldn’t touch a pickle jar because that will rot. It’s also like a sign of illness. And if you don’t have your period, if you missed a period in a month, somehow you’re magically pregnant even if you’ve never had sex. But I never saw people around me, especially in my family, my grandmother, aunts, mom, or anybody, say that they were in pain whenever they had a period. It was such a “normal” part of our life that nobody ever complained, even if they were in pain. So for me being in pain felt out of the norm, or, like, I wasn’t sure if everybody else was feeling it. And when I did bring it up to people, they said, “Yeah, you know, everybody feels pain when you’re in period.”
Imagine my surprise when I found out there are people who don’t feel anything. And that pain is actually not a normal part of the period experience. I also never knew about menstrual products, sanitary napkins were all that we knew about, and we heard about. I was always uncomfortable with it. I always wished there was something. I was in 10th grade when we had the only sex-ed class that we’ve ever had throughout, you know, our education, when someone introduced the idea of tampons. And I was so shy to go up to a pharmacy and get it because it’s usually male pharmacists out there. So, it took me, at least until when I was 21, to get tampons. And then after that, of course, I’m, like, evolved from there. Doctors in India — mostly women — gynecologists are mostly women. So if you do go to them, one, they understand what a period is. So that’s OK. They won’t give you horrible advice, or they wouldn’t talk about gorillas. But they just say this is a normal part of being a woman — just need to go with it. One good thing I did get medication, and I was on it every time I got my period. Like you mentioned Camara, if I don’t take it, as soon as I know that I have my period… I take it three times a day for three days. And that’s it. And that’s how I have lived my life all these years. And somehow, it just felt like a very “normal” part.
I also thought that everybody is actually happy when they have a period. Thanks to the commercials! Because everyone’s smiling, and how are they smiling? It just feels yucky. Absolutely. Like your body feels bloated. You feel like you’re leaking everywhere. So it just feels really yucky. There’s a lot! Ash, I can keep going…
Ashley Kristoff
I’m sure you could! I do want to say one thing you mentioned was about people who don’t feel pain during their period. And I think why it’s so hard for me now is I used to be one of those people.
I got my period around age 12. And I did not experience pain. I was also one of those people who got… I would skip to three months at a time. My body just wouldn’t have it. And so I had that experience from age 12 to age 20.
And then I got my thyroid out and was not allowed to be on hormonal birth control anymore. And that changed. It was immediate, the impact it had. And so I felt like I had misconceptions about periods because I was one of those people who never had pain.
Then there was the pain happening. I’m dying. That was genuinely what it felt like the first time because I hadn’t had that experience prior. Like you were saying, Shruti, we don’t talk about it. People don’t talk about the pain that they’re experiencing. But then, once we do, we kind of just normalize it. Yeah, you’re in pain. That’s part of the experience. Yeah, any amount of pain isn’t great. I don’t know why that is something that we have just so much normalized as, just yeah, as a society. We’re just like, “Yeah, you’re in pain! Ride a horse!”
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
They kept saying that pain is a part of womanhood; you feel it every month, and then you feel it during childbirth. Believe it or not, when I was in labor, and I was screaming for medication because nothing was working. My doctor had — she was shuttling between two hospitals because she was delivering two at the same time… So, I had to ask a nurse. And the nurse says, “This is a normal thing. You know, it’s a beautiful thing about childbirth, this kind of pain.” It’s not! Nobody wants to be in that much pain. And you don’t find it to be beautiful. Ever! But yeah, that was the stigma around. It is the stigma around it.
Skye Gailing
Pain is so normalized that we’re like, Oh! So I should be pushing through this? I should… I’m not tough enough, or I’m too weak, or whatever. And when that’s simply not true. It’s hard to unlearn all of that. And I mean, my mom never talked to me about periods or anything, but she was very, like, “It sucks. You’ll get used to it.” Like that was her reaction. Like when I was sobbing when I got my first one. Well, I hid it from her for a bit. And because I was like, this isn’t happening. And then when I finally was like, “Oh, I need supplies.” She was just like grumbling about it. So clearly, she didn’t have a good relationship with her history menstruation, and it sucks. Like, why are we forced to accept this?
Camara Rauen
I mean, I do feel grateful that I had parents who were supportive. My mom is a little bit what I call sometimes bluntly oblivious to things or she- she’s the kind of person who’s like, “Oh, your period. That’s fun.” So, I was all excited to get my period. I’m just like, “Yay, I have a period! Woooo!” I was never warned.
I think she was one of them who didn’t have as bad pain, or she didn’t tell me about the pain that I was going to experience because of my first few cycles. I was fine, actually. It was OK for a while for a few years, and then it got worse. But it just comes to show we don’t really know that much about that. And one of the best… Actually, there’s a video that I saw.
Never have I ever wanted a guy to explain to me periods. But this one person started to explain the whole history of periods and everything while his girlfriend was watching him and was wearing a period simulator. Now, I don’t know how accurate this period simulator is, but quite fun to watch. He was doing a wonderful — honestly — job, and we’re kind of laughing through it, but then realizing like, “This is the pain you experience? This is what you feel?” And he’s like keeping on talking about the symptoms. And he’s like “I… No, I don’t want to go to level six. Five is enough,” and went all the way up to 10. And he’s just OK, that’s… We need to teach better. I feel like videos like that are better education like that is needed with these misconceptions that we placed with ourselves and how we talk about it and how it’s explained.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I’ve watched that video. And I’ve always wanted to try one of those simulators to see how accurate they are. And also the fact that pain is actually very subjective. So what could be someone’s eight is someone else’s six and someone else’s three, so you never know.
Camara Rauen
Exactly.
Skye Gailing
I was just gonna say that I wish, in addition to everything we’ve talked about, and like all those misconceptions, we wish were righted. I wish there was room for more nuanced discussions about our relationship to gender, sexuality, and menstruation. Because for a period of time — It’s- it’s gonna be funny each time I accidentally say period, not in that context. But for a period of time, I was so uncomfortable being a woman and having this thing that “made you a woman.” It made my skin crawl.
I’m lucky I’ve never experienced true gender dysphoria or anything. But I can’t imagine, can sympathize, can’t empathize with folks who have to deal with that. Because I mean, not all people who get periods are women, and not all women get periods. And I can’t imagine like how difficult that added layer is, especially when there’s just no conversation or information widely available about it.
Ashley Kristoff
Yeah, I think that takes me to the next point I want to get to is — What changes or improvements do you want to see in the way that society discusses periods or presents period products to the world?
I think we touched on a couple of these already. But I’d love to see like, especially in relationship to these misconceptions, what you would really like people to either come out of this combo with changes or just, in general, big societal shifts?
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I think they should stop putting happy people up in commercials. So, talk about period, the way it is, and show it just the way it is. We are grumpy, we are angry, and we have all these mood issues going on. I would love to see that being depicted so that people actually understand that period is not just something that’s hidden and you can’t see and down under, but it’s very real, and it’s affecting our relationships, our work, you know, whether we go to school or not. So I would love to stop seeing happy people because that smile really makes me want to break the television.
Skye Gailing
I would love to spend a day just educating medical students because it took about 15 years for me to finally see a doctor who suggests that I might have endometriosis. Are you freaking kidding me? You know I’m writhing in pain, bleeding 65 days at a time. And this was the first doctor now when I had the surgery to find it. They didn’t find anything. So, I’m still in that diagnostic journey.
But yeah, I wish — Camara mentioned like — more people knew about different menstrual disorders and conditions that can arise, and because right now the subject’s so taboo, people don’t know the conditions that are out there, that their experience might have a name and they might have no cures yet but maybe some sort of treatment. And that- that sucks.
Camara Rauen
I just want to see the way that we talk about periods change and like the education. As you were saying, like, the misconceptions that we’ve been taught… Like the word men-struation? Men don’t go through this! What are we talking about? Men-struation? This is just maddening there.
And then also, like… I have this joke… this is a little bit more far-fetched. Guy-necology? Guy! You know? Guy Know! Yeah, Guy-knows-cology! Sure! Yeah, little joke there.
I do think I want to see like we were saying before, the different types of periods talked about whether you have a period or not. You should be learning about these things. That some periods are not always there, like sometimes you’re going to skip a few months, and that is normal. No one tells you that your cycle changes and shifts as you grow up. Let’s learn about that. Let’s teach that to people: whether you have a period or not, you should be learning this so that you can understand. Not everyone’s gonna be perfect with it, but we can like at least try and make that more accessible.
Like you’re saying, Skye, to the people treating us — they should learn these things. Definitely just changing the shift of society. Shruti like seeing on TV the actual symptoms, the actual pain… Like it’s a real thing! Let’s talk about it. Let’s not put blue in the tampon. Let’s talk about what these actual symptoms are. We’re not just bleeding. Sometimes, we have other emotional, mental, physical symptoms. Cramps are all — sometimes the top tier — but there’s other ones that we are we’re misdiagnosing ourselves with other things. When it either is our period, or it’s not. And we think it’s our period, or we think it’s not our period. And it is… there’s just so many! I could go on and on of what I want to see change, but I think I’ll stop there. But we need to talk about the pain of it.
Skye Gailing
I touched on this earlier, but I would love to see representation of people of all genders going through menstruation or even conversations with a more diverse array of people who either menstruate or don’t, and you might expect them to.
Also, medical providers don’t give people with migraine pills with estrogen in them! Ashley mentioned this earlier, certain people can’t have hormonal birth control. It took until I hit my 20s for somebody to say, “You need to get off that hormonal birth control. Because you have migraine, you’re at such a heightened risk of stroke.” Hey! Doctors! You could’ve mentioned that! It’s so infuriating, like… but just the lack of knowledge and the lack of funding, the lack of care… Just because this is treated as a “women’s condition.” I don’t know who needs to hear this, But hysteria is not real. And then wandering uterus! Do you really want to say that it’s real? It’s just so infuriating.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I’m so lucky. So, my gynecologist did give me birth control pills. But my psychiatrist was the first one to tell me, “Hey, you shouldn’t be taking that because you live with migraine.”
Skye
Mine too!
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
And he is a guy who doesn’t go through any of this. So, I found that really surprising. I really think… I mean, gynecologist need to get your entire history and be more educated! Absolutely!
Camara Rauen
How easy… It seems like an easy fix to just offer… Oh! Just take some birth control. Not even gonna acknowledge what kind of birth control it is or all of that to help with your period. It might be able to — and I don’t want to sound unsupportive — if that’s working for you, amazing! But there are… You’ve got to look into what is that? Do you have migraine? Or is that going to affect different conditions you have, what risk of stroke, and all these different things? I think it’s really important to not just think that something’s a bandaid to quickly fix. I want us to, like, actually take the time to look into, like, the doctor should be really acknowledging and learning a lot about before just prescribing a generic medication.
Ashley Kristoff
You know, one of the changes we’re talking a little bit about, like the media representation of the products. But period products are necessary for getting sanitary a lot of the time, and they’re really expensive. There’s this thing called the Pink Tax — just the idea that you’re just getting upcharged because it’s a “women’s product,” and it’s labeled pink with flowers. There needs to be a lot of options, and they need to be an accessible cost. Because there’s also the fact that there are things that are reusable, that’s technically cost-effective. But what if you can’t use that? Then it’s like… OK! You are at the mercy of buying new tampons and new pads every month and going through the cost of that in itself. So, I would love to just see more options for free items around it because it is such a commonplace experience. It’s not like an acute illness where you go and get medication because it’s- I need to deal with this right now. It’s a… I know that this is going to happen every month for decades. So why are we charged oh so much just to take care of that and take care of ourselves during that time?
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I would definitely like to pay less for period products. At least in India, it was quite expensive. And everywhere else, you know, if you want products that are more comfortable and convenient, it is more expensive. And I don’t like seeing luxury products in the segment. What can be more luxe? Like it has just one function! I don’t get it.
Camara Rauen
Yeah, I have seen that it’s slowly starting… I’m starting to see, in some places, pads that are free. I’ve heard there’s certain schools that are just putting them accessibly. There are certain buildings that have tampons and pads. I think my co-working space has tampons and pads. It’s starting, but I think there’s so much further that we could do with the pink tax. Like things that are more expensive for no reason just because it’s a woman’s product — is something we really need to talk about. And it just infuriates me! I won’t go fully into it because I get enraged by how much certain things cost, even like razors that are pretty — costing more just too much.
Ashley Kristoff
Now that we have gone through an incredibly in-depth conversation, I do want to start winding down and give a little bit of… let’s share a little bit about how we take care of ourselves during that time.
For our self-care corner question: What does self-care look like when you’re on your period?
Skye Gailing
This might be a cop-out answer, but mine is just trying not to have one. It’s taking my depo injection. That’s the most relief I found! It’s when I- just when I don’t actually shed the endometrial tissue… If I do want to take care of myself and I do have my period for real. I actually really enjoy reading material on menstruation and sex/sexuality. I can’t recommend the book “Bonk” by Mary Roach enough. The subtitle is “The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex.” It’s fascinating. I learned so much about my own anatomy I had no clue about. I like just staying up to date on all, like, the scientific literature about menstruation.
Camara Rauen
I think for me, taking the medication as soon as possible. Don’t just ignore it. Making sure to eat before taking medication. I’ve had it once, where I took medication immediately on an empty stomach. Don’t take three Ibuprofen on an empty stomach. That will be way worse pain, and you will be taken to the ER, possibly by a stranger who sees you on the street. Now, I’m gonna cut that out.
Ashley Kristoff
That’s gonna sorry, speaking from experience.
Camara Rauen
Yep!
Ashley Kristoff
I think that’s really interesting to keep in, honestly.
Camara Rauen
Yeah, quick little side note: there was one time where I was going to an appointment. And I had cramps, and I took some medication immediately, not thinking that I only had a small piece of toast. Took three because I’m like, I want the pain to definitely be gone. The pain after an hour was back and felt way worse like my body was trying to extract and get rid of itself. And I tried to find like a bathroom at like the Carl’s Jr. to just huddle in. And then I came outside, and I just could not move. I could not get back to my car. And there was a very kind woman who drove by me and asked, “Are you in trouble? Are you OK? “Want me to take you to the ER?” I’m like, “Yes, that would be amazing.” [She] very kindly took me to the ER. Asked, “Are you on drugs? You can tell me!” Nope, just took too many Ibuprofen. “Yeah, I’m on drugs, Ibuprofen! I took too much, and it hurts.” And so she was very supportive and understood from period experience. And they did help me feel better there.
On that side note, take your medication after you eat, not too much. Heating pad! I really love having a heating pad, even if it’s already hot… Oh, don’t sit in a hot car! Do not sit in your car! If it’s hot, though. No. AC, heating pad on your uterus or stomach curled up in the right position, depending on the day. I think that’s really important — hydration, tea. I’m like… hydrate and mix between water and tea, comfort foods, having people to talk to like roommates or friends or people my life who I can just kind of vent to it about, I think is really important. There’s days where I have to take off work because I didn’t even realize, oh, my period’s bad. I literally cannot do anything. I have to, for the next two hours, not move, not do anything. So, just knowing when to take care of myself. There’s so many times we’re all trying to push past, and I’m like, I like that I can deal with this pain. I know I’ve been through it before, and I can deal with it. Just because you can deal with it doesn’t mean you have to. Take care of yourself and your emotions. Acknowledging that those emotions are valid and a part of your cycle and something that you need to address and be kind to yourself about. Like Ashley, you were saying giving yourself that grace.
Ashley Kristoff
I have a pretty intense self-care regimen. Once I get those kind of warning signals. It’s really, I think, what you were saying, Camara, earlier about if you don’t take medication by a certain time, it gets worse. I know that I have to start that routine. As soon as I start getting any symptoms because, it is going to get worse. And so, I need to try to be as proactive as I can and try to make it the least bad that I can.
A lot of the things that I’ll do is – I’ll have heating pads, one of the main things that I use is a TENs unit. So I have two pads that go on over my uterus, two that go near my tailbone and the back. Those are on basically 24/7, except when I’m sleeping. I have two things there. And this might be controversial for anyone listening here. But cannabis is a very important part of my self-care during that time. So, I have both an external lotion that has THC in it. I’ve tried many CBD rubs in the past with absolutely no impact, but the THC rub a complete change. So I have that. But also, I have both like tinctures or flower that I will have during that time. Because it is that in combination with Ibuprofen, is the only solution I have found for any sort of pain relief. And it sucks because I have to outweigh the mental effects of my period versus having cannabis because they both impact my mental state to a certain effect. But sometimes, being on cannabis is less of a distraction to my life than the pain I’m feeling. So it’s a really weird balance. But I rotate through those things. And that and compression I found during this time, so if I have tight leggings or tight exercise bike shorts, it helps a lot. And then the last thing being – I’m not allowed to watch anything that isn’t funny during that time. As soon as I watch a drama and students, I watch something serious. If I watch a sad video about a dog who was in a bad situation and then got into a better situation. I’m gonna cry. I’m gonna get into a depressive episode. So, I have a rule that I have to listen to. Let’s play gameplay videos, or I have to listen to comedians just talk on a podcast. It cannot be anything serious because it exacerbates those mood symptoms.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
My self-care routine starts seven days before the actual period. It starts with the reminder on my phone saying, “Hey! This is coming! Seven days to go or eight days to go!”. And that’s when I start educating my husband on it. Because I keep telling him, “See, I’m going to be PMSing, so if I lose it, please understand it’s not personal, so don’t don’t lose it on me.” I also have my medication ready to go and get that, and I keep looking for signs and symptoms. I do take a different medication for my psychiatric problems during that time that one week of the month, I switch out my medication, which my doctor recommended so that my mood swings are better managed. And heating pad and hydrate, comfortable clothes, and give myself permission to rest. That’s one thing I got out of that physical isolation cultural thing that we have in India. So it’s more to do with giving women rest during that time so that they don’t have to do the housework or take care of the kids or anything. It just comes off as a really weird thing. But I took that I give myself permission to rest. It’s OK if I don’t do anything. It’s OK if I order takeout, it’s OK if I don’t want to get off the bed because this is the time my body needs to relax. Yoga is one of the things that I have recently taken up. I’ve always been afraid of movement when I’m having a period. But I’ve been trying to get out of that because my yoga teacher has always been quite encouraging. She said to try these things. And it’s mostly low-intensity inversions. Few inversions help. So yeah, like a couple of these things. And I try CBD cream. I don’t know if that helps. But I just try just for the placebo effect, but mostly a heating pad. I’m on it and long baths because it helps me feel a little calmer. And a period playlist really helps.
Ashley Kristoff
I love that! I do want to say what’s really interesting is I exercise pretty regularly except during that week because I just can’t move enough, even for simple Yoga I can’t. And so it’s been like something that has been really good for my mental health. And so it’s even worse during that week because I can’t do something that I know helps my mental health. And I’ve tried. But I go into it then, and it’s already I’m like at half the emotional, half physical, and I just feel worse at the end of it, like emotionally, because I didn’t feel like I did it to the level that I know to make myself feel better. And so that’s really interesting that something you are able to do during that time.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I have avoided movement like vampires avoiding sunlight all my life. And they’ve always said, for migraine, movement helps but really made it worse. And movement makes me anxious as well. Get on the treadmill. I will probably faint from the anxiety as opposed to exertion. But certain forms of restorative yoga and yin yoga — you know, gentle stretches which helped with that calm — has made a huge difference for me.
Camara Rauen
That’s fantastic. I feel like movement… my body does not want to move in like I do not want to move when I’m on my period. It’s… No, do not move! But I do know I think small movements, if I forced myself into a slow yoga even though I hate slow exercise, will somehow help my muscles feel better. I will also massage — I realized I forgot to say — I will massage my stomach and below like where it might kind of stomach area where the cramps are coming from. Sometimes that helps. I just want to add one thing to the tea that I use that. I don’t know if it’s placebo, but it is for a woman’s cycle is raspberry leaf tea, and I try to throw that in there. If you’re looking for specifically hormonal cycle raspberry leaf tea, that can sometimes be a little helpful.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I tried that during labor. I don’t know if it helped. I don’t remember much about labor except for the pain, but ginger tea and I’ve been told cranberry juice is basically hydrating helps. Wine helps. I don’t know whether it has to do with the mood or the pain, but wine definitely helps.
Camara Rauen
Cheers to that.
Ashley Kristoff
Now that we’ve had a very large and incredible conversation about this topic, I want to revisit the question from the top: has her answer changed what makes you feel Mighty about this topic? I want to go in the same order. So, let’s start with you, Skye.
Skye Gailing
I feel like I’ve gone through so many emotions over the course of the last hour that I don’t even remember what I said at the beginning! Oh, talking to people about it! Yeah, I stand by that. I feel like this exciting kind of amped-up energy now that we’ve recorded this where I’m like, Huh! I got to talk about periods with my pals! Like, this is great! And maybe I’ll go read a fun book on menstruation now.
Ashley Kristoff
Shruti, I think you’re next.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
I feel more comfortable. And I feel everybody should get more comfortable because it really helps to talk about it. There’s a lot of conditioning that I still have to work on unpacking and then learning. But just knowing that there are people who can relate even though, you know, there are almost what? 4 billion women in this world who can relate. But just knowing that — I feel different. It makes me feel mighty that I’m comfortable enough now to start talking about this publicly and to just regularly and never use a euphemism again.
Ashley Kristoff
Camara, it’s you.
Camara Rauen
I love that! If you like… For me, I’m all… My main core thing is community and being able to, obviously, what I said before. I love talking about taboo topics and bringing awareness, but I think even more I’m empowered and pumped. Hearing everyone else’s experience and not realizing that really similar but also so different experiences we all have gone through just makes me even more empowered and excited to share about it. And feeling like we have a place where we can communicate about and feel supportive of each other. I just feel really good about that. And I feel really empowered about periods. I’m just like, Heck, yeah, we can share, we can advocate, and we can learn more and teach more. Yeah!
Ashley Kristoff
I think for me, I think I still don’t know. I still feel weird about it. But I think it is still nice to have the validation of the shared experiences, especially knowing that there are other people who can’t take certain medications that could help them. I think that’s something that I haven’t talked to other people about because I honestly did… I barely knew that it was something that affected my condition and my other conditions. So it’s really interesting to hear the fact that migraine is also a thing that affects that in a different way, despite being such a very different condition from me having thyroid cancer. So I just don’t know if I feel better, but I at least feel a little bit more validated in the sh-t-show that is that time of the month, as we don’t want to say, but it feels at least validating. That’s a sucky shared experience that we have. Thank you, everyone, for talking about this today. I really feel like I learned a lot and have a lot to take from this. So I really appreciate you all coming and talking about it.
Camara Rauen
Thank you, Ashley. Thank you for having us here and getting to talk about this. I really appreciate this conversation.
Skye Gailing
Yeah, thanks for this, friends. This was swell.
Shruti Shivaramakrishnan
Thank you, everyone. This was something! I think it can go on forever.
Ashley Kristoff
Yeah, the audience doesn’t know behind the curtain peek behind. We did not get to 70% of what we planned to talk about today because there’s just so much we could have talked about, but I think what we talked about was great. And maybe we’ll have to have a follow-up at some point to dive into some other topics related to this.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Mighty Podcast. If you want to continue this conversation, head over to TheMighty.com or download The Mighty app to become part of our community.
We’d love for you to follow us and give us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or if you’re listening on The Mighty, give this page a heart. Join us on our next episode, and stay Mighty!