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When My Health Left Me Wondering, 'Will I Ever Have My Valentine?'

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Finding love can feel like a challenge when you have a chronic illness –I know. I was diagnosed at 12 years old and it sort of distorted my view of myself and whether or not someone would ever be able to love the “sick” girl. I missed a lot of school. I fought with the fatigue, the pain and the embarrassment that came with it.

People looked at me differently. They whispered and stared. But we were just children. They didn’t understand what was wrong with me or why I was always absent. But it left me wondering, “Will I ever have my valentine?”

As I aged I went through a series of failed relationships. I had a baby at 16, and she turned out to be a blessing. My illness robbed me of so many things – including my fertility.

However, my husband now has always been so so sweet and kind to me. He doesn’t see my illness. He accepts me for who I am. Good days and bad. Sickness and in health. He strives to take care of me as best he can – and I love him for that. Nothing showed me his love more than the year that my illness and back issues had me laid up in bed, on Valentine’s Day!

We’ve always gone out. We’d go see a movie, have dinner, and just spent time alone. But this year in particular, getting out of bed was not an option. And he was so devastated by it. He tried to figure out what to do to still give me a beautiful night, even though I was stuck.

He came in and asked where I wanted dinner from. Then he ordered and picked up Olive Garden. Our Valentine’s Day favorite. Then he came home, settled in with me and asked if I wanted to watch “50 First Dates.” It’s my favorite love story. He bought me flowers and set them right on my night stand so I could feel better. And he brought me candies. It was so refreshing and I knew I found the right person for me.

He made it special for me. He conveyed his love for me. He didn’t let my bad day ruin our good one. And it was beautiful. It still makes me teary eyed to think about that night. He went out of his way to do for me instead of just saying, “Oh well. Guess it’s ruined?”

I’ll never forget his love and compassion. He loves me for me. And he does the most beautiful things for me when I’m having a bad day.

I realized that night that, my childhood fears of never being loved were just that – childhood fears. I am lovable. I am worthy. Someone does love me. And I’ll always have my valentine.

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Getty image by SvetaP

Originally published: February 13, 2018
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