How Bill Cosby Reminds Me of My Dad (in More Ways Than One)

When I was a child growing up, my Black father was adamant that we do not watch certain shows that had Black people in them. Such shows as “Different Strokes,” “Sanford and Sons,” “Family Matters,” “Good Times,” and “The Jeffersons.” Why might you ask? We should be glad to have shows to watch about Black people.

The reason we could not watch them was that the shows made Black people out to be fat, comedians, and uneducated. He felt his children should see themselves depicted in a respectful way. As you can imagine, I did not take kindly to all this high and mighty thinking and rules. All my cousins, family, and friends were watching the shows. Let’s just say I saw a lot of the shows somehow. Lol.

In the mid ‘80s the best show ever, as far as my dad was concerned, showed up on television. “The Cosby Show.” It had two highly educated professional parents, well-mannered children, family time was valued, there was always a good moral to the story, they took on tough issues, they presented Black people in a positive light, and they valued education. They were so much like our family. Role models my dad wanted for us. He was so excited to see people depicted like us and they were having so much fun at it. Bill Cosby wore the same sweaters as my dad and my dad’s sense of humor mirrored Cosby’s. I wanted to be a Huxtable.

We had a standing date, on Thursdays, as a family to tune in to watch “The Cosby Show.” My dad used the show to encourage discussion in the family. It was truly a rich opportunity for our family, and it was absolutely incongruent with what else was going on in our family and Cosby’s life (as we later find out).

Little did we know that Cosby had a side hustle as a rapist. He was drugging women and assaulting them. Numerous women have come forward with claims and have testified under oath as to his violent behavior. He adamantly denies these charges, but he was found guilty and spent some time in jail until his guilty verdict was overturned on a technicality. Many people have come to his defense. I do not personally believe him.

Just like Cosby, my dad had a secret pastime: abusing women. My dad was smart, well-educated, well known, religious (church leader), civil rights leader, funny, in a long-term marriage, powerful, and a child molester. No one could imagine that he would commit such a crime or that he was attracted to children. That he would cheat on his wife or violate God’s law. He was flawless and was seen as doing no wrong.

When I heard about Cosby it all made sense. My hopes of being in the safe Huxtable family were dashed. Men do have secret lives where they see themselves as all powerful and that they have the right to control and abuse women.

Cosby’s fictional life and the real one where he depicted a man of honor and being due respect, left someone like me confused and disillusioned.

Many people loved him and respected him, sometimes even the women he abused. I could not tell on my dad; a Black man with status in the community, who was I to challenge his image? Who would believe a little girl like me? I was nobody up against somebody.

Just like Cosby’s victims they remained silent for far too long. Silenced by the public who held him in high esteem. Who were they to go up against such an image of a man? He also had unbridled power in the industry where they had little. Challenging him could mean an end of a career.

It is scary when you take a hard look at our role models and heroes. They are flawed, some of them deeply.

As an abused child, I looked everywhere for a haven, even if it was in a TV show with a made-up family. This image of safety was what kept me going a good bit of the time.

I will keep looking for role models and havens that are positive and provide me with peace and support.

It is important to be connected to those that mirror your values and who are safe. To those who are putting forth an image that holds up under scrutiny. Abuse survivors are looking for any path out of our pain. To connect with someone, even fictional, as a lifeline. The kind of behavior that Cosby and my dad displayed is a betrayal to all of us.

Do not give up on your wish to have a life that is just, peaceful, and loving. It is out there, and you have the wherewithal to find it.

Stay Mighty.  You deserve family.