3 Things to Keep in Mind About Claudia's Abuse Accusations Against Kellyanne Conway
Editor's Note
If you have experienced emotional abuse, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.
Claudia Conway, daughter of former Trump White House staffer Kellyanne Conway, is back in the news with new abuse allegations against her mother. And while the Conway’s story might seem like good “entertainment,” it’s important to recognize that Claudia’s trauma is real and valid.
On Monday, a topless picture of Claudia was posted as a disappearing fleet on Kellyanne’s Twitter account. While it was quickly removed, internet users sent screenshots of the post on Kellyanne’s account and sent it to Claudia. In a now-deleted TiKTok, according to other news outlets, Claudia said the photo was real. She expressed dismay it was posted, but she suggested it wasn’t intentional on her mother’s part.
“I’m assuming my mom took a picture of it to use against me one day and then somebody hacked her or something,” Claudia said. In a later TikTok, Claudia said she didn’t believe her mother posted the topless photo — it’s more likely she was hacked. Regardless, according to the New York Post, New Jersey Police are now investigating. Sharing a topless photo of a teenager is “child pornography,” now referred to by advocates as child sexual abuse material (CSAM).
As you see this story circulating around your social media feeds, here are three things to keep in mind about Claudia’s situation — and any traumatic relationship with a parent.
1. You can love your parents and they have no right to abuse you.
Claudia has been in the news several times over the last year for her outspoken criticism of her mother’s political views and accusations of abuse.
In August Claudia announced she wanted to emancipate from her parents due to “years of childhood trauma and abuse.” Other now-deleted video clips Claudia shared on TiKTok allegedly show Kellyanne shouting insults at her daughter.
While these clips haven’t been verified, the point is the same: No parent has the right to verbally, emotionally, verbally or physically abuse a child. And yes, an outspoken 16-year-old is still a child. For any childhood abuse survivor, remember it’s not your fault. You didn’t “deserve” to be hurt.
It’s also important to keep in mind that experiencing parental abuse can be complicated. You can love your parents but they still have no right to abuse you. Both things can be true at the same time. “We fight like mothers and daughters,” Claudia said about her relationship with her mom.
2. It’s difficult to process abuse and trauma while it’s happening.
Claudia’s accusations against her mother have been numerous and sometimes contradictory — Claudia has later clarified something she said or changed her mind. Some people are calling Claudia out for “attention seeking” or being a “liar.” These accusations are unfair and hurtful.
When you’re in a place of high emotional intensity or your fight-flight-freeze survival response is dialed up, it’s hard to process information. Humans are wired this way — emotions override the thinking, rational part of our brain when we feel threatened. That’s why many people may not be in a place to start processing their past until years later.
Making sense of trauma while you’re still in it, or even understanding how best to cope, is almost impossible. Claudia has the added scrutiny of doing so publicly with a famous mother and a watchful internet army. It makes sense that Claudia’s feelings and thoughts shift about what she’s going through.
3. Another person’s trauma isn’t ‘entertainment.’
Some people treat the Conway’s story as a spectacle. But another person’s trauma isn’t “entertainment” no matter how famous or how old. Regardless of the specific details of Claudia’s public posts, it’s clear she’s going through a hard time with her mother.
Claudia has a right to talk about her experiences, trauma and emotions however she needs or wants. Even if that means she shares things very publicly, it doesn’t give us the right to judge or sit back and watch gleefully at someone else’s pain. Everybody copes with trauma differently and we need to honor that, from posting about it online to processing it years later in therapy.
“At any age, it’s important to believe abuse victims and to support them in doing what they need,” wrote Mighty contributor Christa Marie, adding:
As a child abuse survivor myself, there’s no specific age requirement on being able to understand abuse, and there’s certainly no age requirement on having a right to talk about it or to want to get out.
Article updated Jan. 27, 2021, to clarify “child pornography” and child sexual abuse material (CSAM).
Header images via TikTok // Gage Skidmore/CC BY-SA 2.0