How Growing Up With Invalidating Parents Can Affect Your Relationships
Our inner beliefs about ourselves is largely shaped by the earliest relationships we have with other humans — our parents.
Our interactions with our caregivers help us learn who we are. These interactions shape our internal schemas about ourselves. And because you believe that your parents are always right when you are young, you also believe everything they tell you about yourself.
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If your parents invalidated you, then you tend to invalidate yourself. If your parent criticized you, then you developed a critical inner voice.
Even though these are painful experiences, you may find yourself drawn to people who act or treat you in a similar way than you parents did.
For example, if one of your caregivers was absent, then you may find yourself attracted to emotionally unavailable people. If one of your parents was particularly hostile, you may find yourself attracted to someone who is also dysregulated.
This is why it may feel so distressing to be attracted to someone that deep down you know is not right for you.
We all have an inner compass that will guide us to flourish, but what stands in the way of that is deeply rooted unconscious beliefs about ourselves that drive our behaviors and feelings.
Look within yourself, can you relate to this?
Header image via Amy Tran/Instagram
Amy is a doctoral student studying clinical psychology in Ontario, Canada. She has worked with children, adolescents, adults, and families. She also has specialized training to work with children who have Autism Spectrum Disorder. Before committing to becoming a psychologist, she studied Visual and Creative Arts. Her Instagram account @doodledwellness is where Amy's passion for mental health and art come together. She creates doodles on social media to make mental health resources and information more accessible to everyday people. Amy hopes that her doodles will raise awareness about mental illness, fight stigma, give people tools to cope with mental health challenges, give people tips to practice mindfulness and self-compassion, and provide people with a daily pick me up. Ultimately, she hopes that her doodles will promote wellness. Anyone interested in commissioning Amy to draw faceless portraits and pets can also email her and check out her studio account on Instagram at @doodledwellness_studio.
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