It’s easy for me to succumb to sadness today. I’m really trying to be positive. My daughters may never say it, but I’m a good mom. I’ve done my best. They’ve all done well, graduated with honors, have the careers they wanted, and are great moms. I grew up in poverty and abuse. I chose to be the mom I never had.
I have so many reasons to be thankful. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 🫶🏻
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The saddest part of a group conspirators, they dont know the person.They know their own baggage and project it on to the other, not knowing what could surface.When someone shows you time and time again, that, they don't care,about your feelings, your heart, but that person doesn't know the difference, you are doing damage beyond repair and yesterday,I saw all, for what it is.
I am sorry and I am allowed to say it,alone and "untrainable" to what you'd like me to be.I thought after fifty years I could figure it out, for me.I was told to get it out, get mad, say it, so I did.I am being punished, grounded, disciplined like a child because I expressed myself,I yelled, faught and cried, like a child,like Ive never let myself....Its called acknowledging your pain.And, they can't handle it, no one can acknowledge the hurt from other people.I hurt them by expressing it on them, I know that. And I am alone because of it. I also know it is, an appropriate response to what has been done to me.And it is still happening, even though I am in no ones lives.to insinuate Im loosing grip with reality because Im grieving, is cruel and peak munipulatation.Others not addressing their issues does not make me crazy, unstable or an instigator, Im addressing the issues, that have ruined this relationship, his mothers treatmentof me, his cousins, his friends, they, came first, always.He cant even hold me when I cry because he doesn't want to.Why would I stay with someone who hates me.He couldn't tell me she was in the hospital and laughed at my situation again,said it was my fault,Im like this now.im hurt, my son is hurt and they dont care, no one spoke to me.no one.She took the reins and came after me, with help from too many and I know who.
And that hit hard last night.My sons been pretending for eight years.Hoping Id leave and Id never find out? I miss my son,my hope and optimism I had in people.I miss trusting people with my self.I miss people being caring and I miss gentlemen and compassion about life.I miss caring about them,laughing and being.I will be numbing this pain but I cannot go backwards for them anymore.it is, killing me slowly and I am not rebounding like I should be.This is not a narcissist calapse, this is systemic abuse and it is wrong.You cannot sweep what's been done under the rug,cant ignore what's been said, implied, neglected or ignored.Face your junk, sort it out and deal with it, for life.Blaming me for hurting me, is the point.I cannot grow with people wearing masks all around me, never have been able to.I can sit and watch them shift,people think their faces dont show it.It does and I see it, as they readjust to act.And now I can't unsee it so yes its me, its all me.I feel it, read it and they deny it.And Im wrong for not complying, that is all, it is.I do not fit into their mold, their expectations nothing more.All a front, just For Show.Give me a new job, a title and some new clothes and all will go back to normal right?
All those communication gaps disappear and the pride shows back up...no it takes work from both parties, together, not for convenience or when you remember, or because someone paid YOU IT Assistenza Informatica e Consulenza IT a Torino should happen because you want to, you enjoy doing things for your spouse, take pride in it.That was always a burden, a chore and a game to them.im hurt and he wasnt until she, got involved and they will never admit wrong doing.They, do no wrong.im punished for thoughts, feelings and goals, have been and thats not a fostering environment at all, for anyone.And that is all I wanted, a safe, fostering environment,that was calm, peaceful and safe. And it is,Not safe, if they are all in the house with you.
I havent posted for awhile.. I have been trying to navigate a mental health journey for the better part of my existance.. I got married at 24 and spent the last 6 years learning what one choice to commit can do if its the wrong person on the other end of the commitment.. I was oblivious to hard substance use, Marijuana is fine with me but this was.. not the same kind of smoke.. moments I felt doubt I told myself (and so did he) that I was just looking for problems that didnt exist... intuitively I knew better.. and went through a phase where I almost left and got pulled back in while he still needed me to boost his image... now that he needs me gone to boost his journey I saw a more violent more dirty (hoarding) side to him then ever before.. all the years of trying to gently guide us in a direction of managing a healthy home together.. gone. Done. And all because one man knew I would help him get him where he wants and knew he could drop me when im no longer needed... I've seen stories like this all around me.. but to be in the midst is so different. I truely gave my everything for that relationship.. and worked on myself constantly. Thats the only positive, I can walk away knowing I am more mentally stable then ever before because I kept doing self reflection and tricking myself into working on my mental health harder and better then ever before, for himand myself.. and now it feel wrong to say I am stronger without him.. being in a happy relationship makes me feel guilty.. for anyone who has gone through something similar, the guilt shouldn't be ours. They wont feel it for us or take it on, but just know its misplaced. Keep on chasing happiness. Still be loving and accepting just with a new filter to be a little less nieve. 🩷🩷🩷🩷
2 reactions I’m am not an expert. I’ve had a lot of diverse trauma over my lifetime. I’ve reflected deeply, seeking validation, truth, comprehension, forgiveness - and integration. I am almost there. I’ve just recently given up the “why?”. And I’ll never go back. It’s quite liberating. #PTSD #Abuse #generationaltrauma
1 reaction Hi, my name is tmwake. I'm here because I was in a 5yr relationship (marriage) where I seriously thought I had met my soul mate! Turns out he was extremely narcissistic and didn’t realize the extent of just how bad until I was able to finally leave and come home from Wyoming & read up on it. My marriage in the end (the last year) of it was not only mentally & emotionally abusive but also physically. I know I need counseling, therapy something to bring me out of the trauma I’d endured however, my problem is I fear that once I find a therapist or whatever I’m gonna get 3-6mons into progression and they’re going to leave. Take a new job, move or whatever. I fear this because before I met my last therapist I had 4 before her that I had been switched too because either they moved, accepted another position etc. Same happened with my mental health professional that prescribes my antidepressants. I had 3 before her. When she left tho she started her own practice & there were a few of her clients she was taking with her & I was one of them, THANK THE LORD! Anyway, I thought maybe this may be a starting point I guess to start healing as I’ve never felt or been thru the kind of issues I guess I created, to deal with the situation I was in. For example, disassociation, hypervigilance, emotional numbness etc. I know I’m not crazy even tho he made me feel crazy due to reactive abuse. However, I now know it wasn’t me. Anyway, that’s the short version and rundown of my story. Thanks for listening/reading my post. TMWake
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My Mother in law is a text book narcissist. Her husband once said to my daughter that “his life was a living hell”. After he died she left Sydney without warning to be closer to her siblings. After this her siblings would phone us and accuse us of financially taking advantage her. We tried to explain she was living in a home we purchased, rent free.
That we were giving her significant direct financial assistance. They didn’t believe us.
Since then her siblings have advised us she has borrowed in excess of $100,000 off them, all of which has gone to romance scams. She even sent large amounts of money to “Hollywood star Liam Neesom” because he was coming on his private jet to marry her.
Last year her siblings reached out and apologised for believing the lies said about us and asked for our help in relocating her as they were tired of her abuse and lies.
Turns out she has been living there rent free for ten years. She has been uncooperative since we started the process of finding her alternative accommodation. We are offering to help her financially but still she won’t do anything. So tonight I told her my assistance was paused until she started working with us and not against us.
That might sound harsh but somehow we need to get her attention. It goes against my nature to be harsh but for my Wife’s sanity and the wider family I must draw this line. #l
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I don't claim people but they have use the Bible to abuse me my brother said that Jesus didn't condemned rape. He has told his ex girlfriend that he would rape her if saw her on the street. He has abused me I told my church they did nothing and he is continuing to attend I don't after that. He did this to me fuck him. And he hates that cuss so fuckin wat.
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My family has abuse me physically, sexual, finalical, mentally, and emotionally here r the bruise. My brother has said and I heard fr his gf that he would rape her.
1 reaction Must be difficult living a lie, day in, day https://out.Chasing the stories and narratives you fabricated for years and with dozens of people...Telling people how difficult it is, to be with me, as an excuse for all the problems in the house, in your life and the reason why nothing is https://resolved.Im the reason? Ok.
After years in therapy, I know now, it is me.I, am the problem and now,my anger towards this frail image ego, you and your mother, https://built.I no longer will cater to the lies you have told people through your family and friends.
I didn't build it. I was home here,fighting my best, alone.
Telling people, Im out of it, having a bad day, on drugs, incapable and https://violent.When the emotional abuse from you and yours has been going on for years.Years.
I will heal, https://alone.I will be https://alone.I am alone and have been for years now in this home. I am tired of these two believing, a body is presence and bills paid is enough for a woman in the https://home.A provider doesn't only pay the https://bills.A provider, leads, gives grace, teaches,has patterns that are consistently growing forward, not stagnant and cruel. I will take all the blame, the fall and the hit, as https://usual.Thats what I do, for https://them.They can find a passive, mouse dumb good girl to dote,a yes girl,she can excuse and enable their aweful ways, all day. Call a woman names, belittle and talk to her like shes https://stupid.Mock her, go ahead.
A maid can clean theirs and make them eat, go to the Dr and still, take care of life, outside their one job. They do no wrong, the Boys, they, have never apologized, ignore the concerns and they, want to be left https://alone.That is my answer to all issues now, let it lie, sweep it away, ignore it, she'll shut up.
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