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Hi, my name is VelmoraObscura. I'm worried about the constant difficulties in navigating relationships. friendships, family. all.
#MightyTogether #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #Anxiety #Depression
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I am Jack's Motley Thoughts on Fight Club and DID
We’re not like Jekyll and Hyde or Three Faces of Eve. Not like Sybil or Norman Bates. We’re not like Fight Club. But what if we were?
Stick with me here.
Fight Club is one of those films I saw before I knew about our #DissociativeIdentityDisorder . One that I thoroughly enjoyed. One that left me with awkwardly relatable feelings that never went away.
Feelings that turned even more awkward when encountering cries of, “Not like Tyler Durden!”
Because, well, why not?
There’s a lot relatable about the relationship between Tyler Durden and The Narrator...
Keep reading The First Rule of… (links to our website.)
We're super proud of this one. Please give it a read, and if you like it, please give it a share.
Multiples in the Media: reviewing fictional portrayals of Dissociative Identity Disorder in television, books, and movies — the good, the bad, and the relatable.
Fight Club is the 1999 film directed by David Fincher, starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter. The original novel was written by Chuck Palahniuk in 1996.
(The linked article contains quotes and excerpts which are copyrighted content not authorized for use by the owner. This use of copyrighted content falls under fair use guidelines, as per Section 107 of the Copyright Act.)
(edited)
The First Rule of…
DID: We’re not like Jekyll and Hyde or Three Faces of Eve. Not like Sybil or Norman Bates. We’re not like Fight Club. But what if we were?
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Prove it#CPTSD
Am I gullible, yes.
Am I too trusting, yes.
Do I bother people, Not at all.im home, alone.
Do I reconnect with those, who, don't know me? https://No.Do I watch other peoples lives online? No.
Do you? Yes.
Did people make it their business, to hurt me? yes.
Do I understand why? NO.
Have I asked?Have I asked it ti STOP? https://Yes.Multiple times.
Has it? No.
Am I a punchline, a scapegoat and gossip topic for insecurity? Yes.
Is it all contradicted by my actual life? Yes.
Are people that aweful?
It seems that way.
Was, I aware?Yes.
For years, three exactly.
And I waited for repair and they, wasted it,pushing me away.
Dead can, dance?Yes but Not so much, https://now.Every couple months Im reminded and removed, some https://more.Proved it with https://William.Show me proof my Son was with https://him.I will give Will his space and his reasons will stay in his heart and it will hurt https://him.He is, my https://world.I purposefully cut the cord and was honest with him and now regret that honesty about my https://life.Digging up some past relationships, collecting my ex's and taunting my family with it is sad and I'm afraid of https://them.I wish he'd get help, be clear and not be taken advantage of, by others, to hurt https://me.Two wrongs do not even out hurt or the damage caused by another. I have nothing now, have been shown who they are and what they are capable of. All involved, are https://complisant.I shouldn't have to wait for something to happen.
Prove https://it.Prove he did these things to me and I'll walk away.be honest with me and I will, leave https://quietly.Be transparent and I will let you live outside this house and you can have your girlfriends and your family, all your lives can merge as one and I get to live in https://peace.Everytime your goons show up, you are told and you flip it on me.no more horses, thunderstruck, whores or https://lies.You lie to me,daily, to my face, you, withhold and deflect instead of share and https://include.I am a dependant, not treated like a wife, spouse or partner, in any definition of the https://word.I am ashamed and https://embarrassed.I will be selling the car, my belongings and my son is not the one, I raised https://anymore.They made him mediate and be the messenger, the referee and criticized https://him.They used him, as a pawn. He is not https://okay.He is why I stayed,why is that wrong, to want a stable home and commitment for a kid? I am in this position because of my https://choices.I gave it all, to this house, to them and to others, to support https://others.I am wrong for not saving it https://all.I let him play me for a fool,I couldn't see https://it.How can someone do this to someone? Im no https://one.I have nothing and ask for nothing.
Someone with hero syndrome shouldn't cry being used, when they create the choas to begin with and are the ones using us.
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I DO CARE
I won't be made useless or idled with Despair
WHY IS CARING hard
IS A DAY off going to make you stronger
THE LIFE OF YOUTH
and the life of Elder's ages
IT'S A FLOWER WHEN FIRST IT'S NEW
it grows old and waxes cold and fades away with the morning dew
THERE ARE people dying
DO YOU CARE ENOUGH FOR THE LIVING
TO HEAL THEIR WORLD
don't abuse your callings of wisdom family spousal units boy friends girl friens care giver positions daughtering being a son, nursing and doctoring
IF YOU'RE IN FAITHFUL relationships try not to cheat
DON'T ABUSE WHAT YOU CONSUME
don't abuse your premises
DON'T ALWAYS HEAL THE WELL when you can care for the sick
DON'T DESPAIR TO TAKE YOUR LIFE TO END ABUSE
YES, IN PARDONING WE'RE PARDONED BUT JUDGE JUSTLY
HEAVEN MIGHT JUST BE VALUED TIME WITH VALUED ONES ON EARTH
SAD N LINELY IN HEAVEN MY FOOT
LINELY N UNSTRONG ON EARTH YES
A DAY OFF FOR STRENGTH
FAMILY SUPPORT OF AND BY YOUR OWN
BIPOLAR BURNOUT
CANADA'S A TREASURE WITH HEALTHCARE WITH VOWS
DON'T ABUSE IT
FAITH IS NOT BLIND BUT ITS HARD
WORK SOMEHOW
AND DO SERVICE TO OTHERS FOR YOUR PAY
LIVE SIMPLY
AND SIMPLY LIVE
AND LEAST OF ALL DON'T DESTRPY ME
poem romantic poem, lyric, school poem
LOVE, APPRECIATION, VALUE, Respect
KEEP WITH YOUR OWN
VISIT AND LOVE ON
PICK YOUR BATTLES DON'T KILL
LEAVE OR STOP
GET THROUGH SOMEHOW
HOPE THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS NOT JUST YOUR WORDS
DON'T FEED PEOPLE THAT DON'T HELP YOU
JUST FEED YOURSELVES
PAIN IS NOT NEEDED TO BE STRONGER
HELP
STRENGTH
HOPE
WARMPTH SOMEHOW
2 reactions Post
Yesterday at the horsefarm was emotional. I felt unspoken static in the air. My boss said something out of stress, which triggered the wound of shrinking in me. Without saying a word, I stepped away and cared for the horses. During my work, I broke into tears.
It's a heavy weight for me....
Today, my boss was his calm self again. We had no time to talk about emotions, so I texted him later.
We are both work in progress. There might be more of that situations ahead. Talking them out is key of connection.
I guess that's what safe relationship looks like.
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No thank you #CPTSD
Im not leaving or waiting for someone to save me.I have found it discouraging and disappointing my Son, again was used. Why adults feel the need to use a young man's life experience as gossip, to trash his mother and leave damage behind.I will heal, but he won't be able to address or recognize his place now.you have filled his head with lies from people who hurt people for fun.And to be wrong, again....for expecting them to want real relationships with communication. I want my son healthy,my family, Brian and Will and able to have a clear conversation with out being set up, dismissed or denied my place.Every time, Im at fault.Not one ever, no apologies ever.no repair.Nothing, everytime.
Regnskapsfører i Trondheim og Bodø | EVER AS
Vi er en pålitelig regnskapsfører for bedrifter i både Trondheim og Bodø. Vi forstår viktigheten av å ha full økonomisk oversikt.
1 reaction Post
I grew up as the only girl among two boys. I never had a sister, so in my heart, my mother was meant to be everything to me—my best friend, my sister, my companion, the one person who would hold my hand and never let go. For a while, I believed she would always be that person.
But everything changed.
After she got involved in a new relationship, it felt like I lost her completely. It was as though someone had taken her away and replaced her with a stranger. The love, the warmth, the connection I longed for all of it disappeared. Instead, there was distance, coldness, and words that cut deeper than silence ever could. We lived under the same roof, yet we were worlds apart.
I tried, over and over again, to reach her. I would start conversations, hoping—just hoping—that maybe this time she would respond with kindness. But most times, I was met with rudeness or indifference. Eventually, I stopped expecting anything at all.
What hurt the most was not just losing her—it was having no one else to turn to. I carried my pain alone. There was no one to confide in, no one to listen, no one to understand. In those quiet moments, I missed my father more than ever. He died when I was only six years old, but in my heart, I felt that if he were still alive, maybe things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone.
My phone and my bed became my closest companions. They didn’t judge me, didn’t reject me, didn’t turn me away. They were there when no one else was.
There were times when the pain became too heavy to carry. Times when I questioned whether life was even worth living. I thought about ending my life because it felt like the suffering would never end. I felt invisible, unwanted, and forgotten.
Even after finishing school, life didn’t get easier. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have independence. To my family, I felt like a failure. Their disappointment only added to the weight I was already carrying. But despite everything, I kept going. I endured, not because it was easy, but because I had no other choice. I had nowhere else to go, no shelter beyond the place that felt so unwelcoming.
I held on to hope in God, believing that one day my tears would be wiped away. But there were days when even that hope faded. Days when I felt abandoned—not just by people, but by God Himself. I began to wonder if I was one of the forgotten ones, not worthy of His attention or love. I prayed, but it often felt like my prayers went unheard.
Rejection became a pattern in my life. I felt rejected by my paternal relatives, rejected within my own family, and rejected by the world around me. It was a painful identity to carry—the feeling of being unwanted everywhere you turn.
But even in all this pain, there is a story still being written.
Because despite everything I have faced—the loneliness, the rejection, the heartbreak—I am still here. I have endured what many would not understand. My story is not just one of pain, but of survival. And maybe, just maybe, it is also a story of strength that I am only beginning to discover. #MentalHealth
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The Feeling of Being “Off” That You Can’t Explain
Lately, I’ve been feeling very off. I know I’ve been talking about what it’s like to live on autopilot, but I really want to go a little deeper into what that actually looks like for me.
For me, it feels like being here, but not fully here. It’s like I’m living my life at a distance—going through the motions without really feeling connected to them. It’s subtle, which makes it harder to explain. Nothing is obviously wrong, but something feels off in a way I can’t quite name—like a quiet internal fog I can’t fully step out of. And for a long time, I didn’t understand what that feeling was—I just knew I wasn’t fully present in my own life.
I’ve felt that way for a long time—empty, absent, hollow. It’s a strange feeling because I’m such an emotional person. But when I’m in this daze, this heavy fog, I don’t feel very much of anything. Everything feels muted. Someone could be telling me something awful, something painful, and my mind just passes it by in an instant—like it never fully sticks. There’s no feeling, no weight, no reaction sitting in my body. It’s not done purposely. It’s just dissociation.
I used to think I was just flighty. Ditzy, maybe. Either way, I didn’t feel good about it. I didn’t like presenting myself to others when I wasn’t fully aware—fully present. It’s embarrassing to be in the middle of a conversation and completely forget what someone is saying as they’re saying it, like the words slip right through me. I’m just… lost.
I’ll sit down to do something simple, like read a book, and realize I’ve reread the same sentence multiple times without absorbing it—like my eyes are moving but nothing is registering. I’ll watch a movie or TV show and not be able to explain what it was about, like it never fully made it into me. And often, I’ll walk into a room and forget why I went there in the first place, standing there in this quiet mental blankness.
Emotionally, it feels like I’m muted. Not sad. Not happy either. Just… distant.
I remember one time a friend and I were chatting about an upcoming trip we had planned. She kept telling me the details—when we’d get into town, when we’d leave, small things like that. But I kept asking her over and over again without even realizing I had already asked. My brain couldn’t hold onto it. I was too far from the moment.
She jokingly called me out for it, but I could tell she was getting frustrated. And I just remember feeling embarrassed afterward—like a sinking feeling in my chest—like I couldn’t trust my own attention, or my own mind in that moment.
After conversations, I would replay everything in my head—not because something went wrong, but because I couldn’t trust what I experienced in the moment. I’d wonder if I seemed off, if I was engaging enough, if I missed something important without realizing it—like I was trying to reconstruct moments I didn’t fully hold onto.
And slowly, that started to shape how I saw myself in relationships. Like I wasn’t fully there for people the way I want to be. Like I was slightly out of sync with everyone else, even when I was trying my best to connect. That disconnect starts to feel like something other people might notice before I even say a word.
It also started to affect how I thought about myself more broadly.
It’s disorienting—feeling present in your life on the outside, but not fully connected to it on the inside. Like I’m doing all the “right” things, but not fully experiencing them the way I should—like life is happening slightly beside me instead of through me. And over time, it turns into this feeling of being behind in your own life.
Like everyone else is moving forward in ways I can’t quite access.
I think it happens when I’ve been overwhelmed for too long—when too much has been happening internally or externally, and something in me pulls back quickly, almost instinctively. And I don’t always notice it while it’s happening. I notice it after.
I still don’t have a perfect way of explaining it yet. But I’m learning not to be so hard on myself for it. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person because I drift sometimes, and I’m learning to stop judging myself for it. For me, it’s about learning how to notice when I’m not fully there—and to try not to abandon myself in the process.
When do you first notice yourself feeling “not fully here”—and what do you usually do in those moments without even realizing it?
“Sometimes the hardest part is not knowing you’ve drifted until you’re already far from yourself.”— Unknown
#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #AutismSpectrumDisorder #DistractMe
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