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For most of my life, I struggled with one simple word: no. Saying no felt rude, almost like I was rejecting someone as a person. I worried that if I said no, I’d lose friends, be criticized, or end up alone. So, I said yes — to everything. To favors, to plans I didn’t have the energy for, to carrying other people’s burdens even when mine were already heavy.
And because of that, I spent years swallowing my own needs, my own mental health, in order to protect everyone else’s. I was always there for anyone, at any time. On the outside, it probably looked like generosity and loyalty. But inside, I often felt exhausted, drained, and — if I’m being honest — used. Used for my constant willingness to go above and beyond. Sometimes it felt like I was only appreciated when I was doing something for someone else.
The truth is that people-pleasing doesn’t actually build stronger relationships. It builds uneven ones. I thought saying yes would keep people close, but what I’ve learned is that the people who criticize you for setting boundaries were never really your friends in the first place.
These days, I have a much stronger head on my shoulders. I don’t let people walk all over me anymore. I’ve learned that real friendships don’t rely on favors — they’re built on presence, care, and genuine connection. If someone wants to see me or talk to me without needing something in return, that’s real. If I don’t get even a simple “hey, how are you?” over time, I take that as a sign.
Life is busy, I know that. We all have work and responsibilities that pull us in different directions. But it doesn’t take much to let someone know you care.
I do wish I had learned this lesson sooner. That it’s okay to say no without guilt, that boundaries are not rejection, and that my worth is not measured by how much I do for others. But I know it now. And that knowledge has changed the way I value myself and the relationships I keep close.
Lesson learned: If someone truly wants to be in your life, they’ll meet you where you are — not only when they need something from you.
“No is a complete sentence. It does not require justification or explanation.” --Unknown
Embrace The Unseen
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