I can't stand having a "favorite person"
I am someone that is not diagnosed with BPD but I have a long list of obsessive relationship that always end up in pain and falling apart. Right now, my "favorite person" is my best friend, our relationship started amazing, we talked everyday and I was so amazed how someone the cool existed in this world but then I started worrying obsessively about him leaving me, that he actually hated and those thoughts became a daily torture that made me hate his guts every si gle time I feel so overwhelmed with my feeling for him, I feel he changed since my thoughts statted getting into out relationship, I know it is my fault because he told me he is tired of this endless cycle of being ok, having conflicts, me being silent and then to go back into being ok again. I really can't this situation anymore, this is situatiom that has happened to my sincw I was a teen and I am tired of feeling in agony and in pain just because someone doesnt give me the attention I need, I am tired of being marveled at someone to hate them, I am tired of losing loved ones thanks to my actions and thoughts. My best friend knows a little bit about this but I feel he is too tired of having the same conversation again, I don't know if I should stop being friend with him or being a little bit more communicative about the pain I am always experiencing, but this scared me because I don't want to get him more tired, please, if someone can tell me what to do, I would reallu apprraciate it, I am feeling way more suicidal a d I am self harming more often, I am desesperated