Relationships

I find it fascinating how my memories flow, they aren't constant but can be triggered,controlled and be decompartmentalized, so easily. But, they serve purpose in protection now. Since people are not willing to be forthcoming with me, I write.

One relationship, Ive had to greive, three years later. I am blown away by one person's role,in my life. I believed in it.
I can now, look and see, all the little traits I saw, as enduring, they were someone https://elses.And when that connected, holy https://epiphany.Huge BIG Bang Moment! Sadness and https://shock.And to know, those same traits, we're a catapult to her, entire existence, in my life! And I, was played, for https://years.Bravo peeps.
From taste in clothes,music,art,fool,nature,hobbies, omg the hobby list is wacko to me https://now.Everything.How could someone have that much influence on another....BOOM!HOLY COW!!!Im hysterical over https://this.YEARS OF INFLUENCE MOLDED her.wtf
And that it was still going on! HOLY MOLLY BATMAN GET THE JOKER,LETS https://ROLL.And that her whole world, was paired up for life, with another, for those qualities!!!! So he fell for HIM, not HER! EVERYTHING HE LOVED,about her, WAS HIS influence.
Vomit time!!!

AND SHE, TOLD YOU, EVERYTHING.

Now I understand the years of being that "friend",on the https://sidelines.Why she was, that way.it was, one sided.
I kept her secrets, while she told https://mine.And that is why, she stayed, because I knew hers.
My existence has provided hours of entertainment, for https://many.You are https://welcome.I would have given details if https://asked.Could of really laughed.

But she only knew, of her own projection herself, poor thing.
Her entire personality,was his.
Now I understand the panick,when my mask https://fell.I was stripped,couldnt lie.
https://Damn.Someones entire idea of me was presented through gossip and https://disloyalty.Nothing https://new.And I respected this person,kept their secrets and gave them space, support,faith and belief, https://always.I defended these people behind their backs.Seriously, what the fck is wrong with people!

And since Ive been pushed, into the dark, all the players are clear now and Im curious like a https://cat.I find it comical and I find it ironically familiar https://now.All for a lesson. What was the plan, really, she will be gone, she'll never know or find https://out.Seriously flawed https://plan.All bases covered, huh?
Knowing what I know now,how desperate, did she pay the price,yes. I phased myself out, I knew.
Did she loose me, yes.do I know all their secrets, no. But enough, to know I had, to remove https://myself.It was clear as https://day.All the games.
Would I tell? Why https://not.I have nothing to https://loose.When you find those around you, held zero loyalty to you. And it was celebrated. Then it is fair game, right? I do not need to make things https://up.I tell what is, what has happened.

Unbelievably, grateful to have been made a fool of.
Thank you but you cannot run a game, on someone that KNOWS.

They are https://his.His house, his dog, his cats,his car,his friends, his family,his https://world.I was a https://prop.I spent years, taking care, trying to fit in. Called every name by https://now.I knew it was for show, he felt obligated,pressured from https://her.I knew, she was in control, I defended her https://constantly.Till I saw it.
I trained the pets, cleaned up after, fed and stayed doing the https://work.Maintaining the house,and organizing,shopping, caring, to have it all purposefully sabataged, I see it now. Everything fixable, made worse, by doing nothing.
All routines, stopped and https://altered.All plans, changed at last minute..manufactured https://chaos.Any changes are met with hostility and then denial.
Yes, I https://reacted.I was more angry that I was being played.Again.
But I deserved it, right?Nope.

So tell me, Why would I keep Playing house? Why decorate, declutter or bother improving, if,it is not my home https://anymore.If the Intention was to, make me leave,the entire time, why would I place my energy in building?Im not blind and it is, still occuring, the sabatage.
Every two weeks, for three months, at a time.Everytime, I was excluded,purposefully ignored and left in the dark. Phased https://out.Keeping me distracted, overwhelmed and confused,is destructive to someone trying to rebuild a normal routine.

What people don't understand, that is control,creating chaos, is abuse.

Ive known the entire time, told him and still, the illusion and lies continue.it is not my fault, others haven't the capacity, to communicate with transparency and intent, to resolve relationships.
That is, exactly what, Ive called https://out.My privacy, my safety and my security, gone.to purposefully put me in this state, for revenge, is https://control.Of course Im going to https://ruminate.It was a pattern, mine was reactive to that pattern.it was constant.

And then turn around and deny it, as Im living in it.No, thats sociopathic level, family dysfunction, that Ive spent my adult life running from.

To now see it from here, nothing but full disclosure, will change things.

This wont be swept away, like everything else. I havent worked that hard, to go back to the same patterns of denial and repressed baggage.
Dump it or decide,I cannot build on it.
And if not, I Will bring it up, every weekend, All winter,guess what, every weekend will be this conversation.
I will no longer go backwards living in denial, I address it, recognize, own and resolve it.

These people hate me, for no reason, other than pride. And they have one person, as the ring leader and a slew of two face https://enablers.I was too sick,to see anything from a clear perspective, even guilt,remorse or accountability. I was being Set up, constantly. Testing the ones you are supposed to protect, is wrong.im not a social experiment for your buddies to laugh https://at.Even a year ago, I knew but could not handle the https://truth.For an entire family to pile on, for things that were put to rest, twenty five years ago. Because you found it scandalous and worth gossiping over. That shows whos who, no one ever came to me, not https://once.They were not concerned until I said https://abusive.That is the "trigger" word.
My actions, were mine and his,to sort through. I had a therapist ready to https://go.Not theirs, not his friends or an outsider, peering in through foggy glasses and judgements from bitter loose ends. Everyday I, am reminded, I am shown and I get to watch, as https://well.Some need to understand that when you maliciously silence, a survivor of abuse, you are lighting a ticking time bomb.
I dont waste my energy fighting for a fake https://life.I wont https://pretend.Im kind, but I will bite https://back.Hiding in the shadows, setting traps and lines for me to trip over, will only hurt them, not me. Sad and unnecessary. I would becareful digging up other peoples https://skeletons.Your own could be exposed faster than you buried https://them.I kept secrets, for abusers and narcissist, for years.
Acting, is not modified behavior.
Nothings changed,some extra chores and light https://banter.Small curtesy https://given.Never sticks more than 2 https://weeks.I will continue to be in limbo.
I sit and watch it unfold daily, they always, expose themselves.it is https://weird.The entire https://thing.I literally told this person,the https://truth.Then they told their https://world.Instead of trying to repair what was broken, they destroyed it, with the help of https://others.Because of their image.

Hi, my name is LouieLou12345. I'm here because
I just lost mom with Alzheimer’s. Sisters did not help and it has changed our relationship which was already shaky. Am grief stricken. Divorced no kids.#MightyTogether #Grief #Fibromyalgia

I've been seeing my partner for 3 weeks and the relationship is intense at times. He opened up and told me he has bpd and a past but he says he goes to groups, mens walks and talks and other things to help him manage symptoms. I'm proud of him and I do like him a lot. But, I have a fear of abandonment and attachment issues myself with depression and a lot of anxiety. I don't want to end up in a dependency relationship and I'm trying to be careful, open and honest. I have done a lot of research and continue to learn about his condition, I know with his behaviour I'm his favourite person and I've told him countless times to not put me on a pedastool, but I'm frightened for when he devalues our relationship. I'm a very sensitive person and can take mean things to heart easily, I'm unsure of how to handle this if this is how he reacts.

We have had talks about my past too, that I have been in abusive relationships and have trust issues, we had a discussion about me and that it may take me longer to catch up to where he is in the relationship and I have asked him to have patience.... But he dropped the 'I love you' already and Im not there yet, but I felt pressured into saying it back. I do really like him a lot and I want to see where this goes but I'm scared to tell him that I'm not there yet. I don't want to break his heart and I'm definitely in it for the long haul but now I feel guilty. How do I handle this delicately without triggering his fear of abandonment and let him know I still want him to be with me

Hi, my name is JDG1983. I'm here because i am (trying to) exiting relationship in which i think was BPD ..with big jelousy and crazy moments...but still i see so much good....i am scared

#MightyTogether