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    Community Voices

    Hey

    Hey guys! I'm Anthony, I'm new here, and I hope I'm in the right place!

    I have been struggling with life, I may or may not suffer from depression. Like many older men, I am stubborn, and find it hard to admit that men can suffer from a mental illness like depression. I mean we're supposed to be the strong ones, right?

    I don't have any friends. I have always managed to find the worst people to associate with. Those who treat me poorly, or take me for granted.

    I'm 43, single all my life, because of this tendency to avoid relationships fearing that I'll end up hurt in the end.

    I have buried myself in work as family have told me that's all I need to concern myself with. No need for more, as long as I have a steady job and retirement fund. Socializing will just hurt my future, I was taught by family.

    I have damned near let it destroy me, mentally as well as physically.

    Yet I still find it hard to seek help. I'm hoping this will be the first step toward recovery, and yet I know my stubbornness will make it hard.

    I have almost given up, I mean, I have not taken a moment in life to fulfill my needs, why start at middle age, right?

    I'm hoping with this start, that I can convince myself I am wrong, because every day that goes by, it gets harder as I've convinced myself life's almost over and I should just let it be.

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    Community Voices

    Response to a post

    Of course, I can't now find the post, but it said "its ok to be ok". It hit so many check marks for me. I was unwanted..and somehow compounded that error by being born a useless worthless female instead of the expected son and heir. My mom was basically a non participant in my life, doing bare minimum. My dad was Jekyll or Hyde..for 20 years then I married to escape and ended up in a loveless abusive relationship with a narcissistic sociopath bully, 36 years when he hit me the second time. I tried counseling but before the divorce no one talked about ptsd or cptsd in non veterans. After the divorce, I ran out of money before I could start really healing. So in all my life its never been okay to be okay. I don't know what that will look like, and I am tired of being overlooked, disrespected and disregarded. People have always ( and I do mean always) treated me like a halfwitted dumb blonde..and while I have had moments of not knowing the right thing to do, I am not a stereotype. I am the perfect guardian as I can size up a potential threat in zero seconds. But acting like my best self? I don't know. #Itsoktonotbeok , but I really want #itsoktobeok .

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    Community Voices

    Just A Thought-2

    I'm Strong-Willed & Stubborn.
    While These Are Great Character Traits To Have They're, Also, Horrible Flaws To Have.
    They've Kept Me Stuck-Far Longer Than I Should've Been-& Kept Me From Fully Embracing & Living Out Truths That I Should've Been Fully Embracing & Living Out Shortly After I Learned Them.;;;

    One Such Truth Is This:
    I CAN'T Love-& Be There For-Anybody Else UNLESS I 1st Love-& Be There For-Myself; Also, Honor & Cherish.

    I CAN'T Have A Proper Relationship With My H.P. Unless & Until I Do This.
    My Relationship With My H.P. Will ALWAYS Be A Struggle Unless & Until I Do This.;;
    Well, I've FINALLY Done It!.
    There Were Times, Over The Yr.s, Where I Had An AMAZING Relationship With My H.P..
    Others Where It Wasn't.

    Unfortunately, I'm One Of Those People That Has To Learn Everything The Hard Way.
    Now, I Have.
    It's Taken My Health Going Down The Proverbial Hill(In Many Ways Worse Than Before)YET It's Happened.

    I, Now, FULLY Embrace(& Live Out) This Truth:
    I CAN'T Love,Honor,Cherish, & Be There For Others-In Particular My H.P.-IF I DON'T 1st Love,Honor,Cherish, & Be There For Myself.

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    Community Voices
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    Depression /Bipolar 1

    Hey all, feeling pretty depressed. I’ve been dating/ looking for someone since they I was 19. I’m 32 now. I don’t exaggerate when I say I’ve been on 100 first dates. Not one relationship has lasted over 4 minutes. I don’t want to hear, “Oh told find the one when you’re not looking.” I want advice! What am I doing wrong?

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    Community Voices

    Essential Oils For Depression

    Part 1 of 2 Living with #Depression and #Anxiety isn’t easy but there are ways to cope. Both illnesses have a basis in negative thoughts. First, I tell myself that it’s not bad to have these thoughts, but it is good to recognize them. When I was struggling as a single mom while my kid was very ill, I reached out for help. Via public social media, my sibling told me that “you have more in life than you deserve”. I played this statement in my mind repeatedly. This type of repetition creates what I imagine to be tracks in my mind, like a bicycle digging in soft earth every day until the rut is deep enough to hold water on a rainy day. The deeper the rut, the easier it is to fall in to. The more the thought is repeated, the easier it is to repeat and believe. The more I thought “I have more than I deserve”, the more I fell into the downward spiral of thinking that “I deserve less, I don’t deserve good things, I deserve nothing, I don’t deserve help” which can lead to “I don’t deserve to live”.How to get out of that cycle?There are some great scriptures to think on instead of the negative thought:“Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” -2 Corinthians 10:5“Think on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about those things”. – Philippians 4:8I will think on these verses and ask God to help me to obey and practice them. It is awesome that God knew humans would have these battles with our thoughts. He knew about #Depression when He had the Bible written! Sometimes I can’t help thinking negatively and that’s when I must forgive and be patient with myself. “Just think positive. Just look on the bright side. Don’t dwell.” Those types of thoughts can compound the negative ones with more feelings of inadequacy. “Why can’t I just think positive like I’m supposed to. Something is wrong with me.” It can add more stress and pressure to “just think positive”. So, there’s a balance to find with thinking positive and respecting one’s own journey. A colleague often tells people to “ride the wave”. Sometimes we must ride the wave of feelings and thoughts, allow them in, feel them, acknowledge them, and know the wave will come down and the thought will go for a while, even if it comes back with the tide.Remember how I said a thought can cause of rut that is easy to fall in and repeat? It goes the same way with all thoughts whether negative or positive. So, the more I practice Bible verses or repeating “I deserve good things”, the more easily I will be able to prevent the downward spiral of “I don’t deserve good things”.CounselingRecognizing that I’m going down the spiral is important too for knowing when to reach out for help. I go to counseling when I need to. I really like my counselor too which is important. I want to encourage anyone that ever had a “bad counselor” to rethink “bad counselor” to “bad fit”.  It’s ok to try different counselors but, please don’t give up if one doesn’t fit your needs or personality. Also, if one counselor isn’t the best fit, there is still benefit to the time you spend with them even just to vent. The counselor to patient #Relationships is different than any other #Relationships . You pay them to tell them your problems and fix your problems. It’s not that easy though. Counselors can guide but not fix and they are human too. They are there to help the best they can. You are the one that really does the hard work.Medications -If you need them, take them. I wish I would have figured this out a long time ago. Even up to a couple years ago, I still hoped to get off my antidepressants. Psychiatric medications have a stigma attached to them that make people that need them want to get off them. People judge others that take them, and people judge themselves. There is a biological need some people have for these medications. If a higher quality of life can be achieved with the use of a daily pill, we should provide encouragement, not judgement, to each other and to ourselves.FriendsI have a prayer group over text. We text each other prayer requests almost daily. It’s extremely convenient and encouraging. I can immediately send a prayer request when I need, and I can read and reply as my schedule allows.  My friends have problems too. It’s nice to know that I am not alone in having issues. None of us is perfect and none of us live in a perfect world. My friends need my prayers, and they care enough to want to pray for me. Wow! What a good feeling it is to have someone care enough to say, “w

    Community Voices

    Why Growing Up Is Difficult As An Autistic Person

    Part 1 of 3 My name is Anthony, I’m from Vancouver, BC Canada. I’m 28, but still that kid, childlike wonder in my heart. We have a little Peter Pan in our hearts, don’t you say? Yes, I heard there’s hilarious roasting between Millennials and Gen Z ha ha ha. I’m a Millennial kid, surviving the horror invasions of Generation Z. I can’t believe my generation’s getting roasted by the Gen Z kids on the block. No using the word adulting. No showing off Hogwarts houses. No 90s nostalgia references. What?! No references like YTV hit shows like Digimon, Freaky Stories, Uh-Oh, Stickin’ Around, or Hit List? No skinny jeans. No laughing, crying emoji. No saying, “I did a thing!” Why?! Oh the horror! The horror! Gen Z, you’ll never take me alive ha ha ha. Well, here’s a secret. I do have a soft spot for Gen Z—no hard feelings, ha ha ha. As age comes in the way, I know my generation soon is ending. No, the millennials are facing the apocalypse! Gen Z is invading the Millennials. Gen Z, wish you the best and make your mark. I’m curious about what you’ll bring to the world. YOLO! Is that the word? Did I say it correctly? Is YOLO part of Gen Z? Anyways, aside from the jokes, growing up is a huge bite for me to swallow. Sometimes the taste tastes bitter. There will be lots of obstacles. Growing up as a person living with Autism is not what it expects to be. Friendship is not always genuine. We lose our innocence as we get older. Nobody cares for you except yourself.

    The epiphany from childhood to adulthood still plays an important role in my life. This is part one of it. How this epiphany affects friendship. When you’re a kid, you would think innocent and think the world is all sunshine and rainbows. When you’re an Autistic kid, we would get emotionally attached. Flexibility is hard to come across. When I was a kid, I remember all of my elementary school teachers were concerned about me spending time alone everyday. Don’t get me wrong. My teachers were all amazing and I love every single one of them. I still appreciate what they taught me. Of course, we are all humans and we all make mistakes. Just because you’re a teacher doesn’t mean you know everything and that’s okay too. We have to forgive our mistakes. Going back, they noticed I don’t have friends. I prefer to be alone. To me, I’m not bothered, but to them they were worried, especially my parents. As time went by, I became used to the idea of “having friends is great. It’s not good to be alone. Having friends is teamwork.” Because those teachings had implanted my little noggin, I took friendship seriously. I became used to it. During the years between adolescence and now, the friends I know from before outgrown themselves. Not all of them, but some. Some were the same and some were different. I wanted to say hi to them, but I didn’t hear from them. Some had moved on. They didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. Because you have Autism, what happens is because you internalize friendship, you may think that friendship is forever. Unfortunately, some people will backstab you, betray you, or even pretend to be your friend. Nobody told me earlier that it meant not all friendships to be genuine or forever. At that moment, I was shocked. It hurt me when I realized that. However, as an adult, I also realized I did too have a fading out friendship experience. Our fading out began when I was twelve years old. I used to hang out with a close buddy of mine back then when we were kids. We were childhood friends in elementary school. My buddy was very nice and fun to hang out with. We used to go to each other’s houses and play. We even had snacks together, watched TV, or played video games. My buddy was also my neighbor. I also learned about my friend’s culture too. My friend’s family is delightful too. They were such a heartwarming family. The time I found out my buddy moved away from Vancouver, our reaching out fades. In a moment of realization, I found out our friendship faded as well. Both of us had our own lives. Even though it faded, I am always grateful and always thankful for my friend and my friend’s family for having wonderful memories together. Those precious memories we had growing up meant a lot to me. Wherever my buddy is now, I wish my friend and my friend’s family all the best and with good vibes. I want to thank them for being my neighbors and for being so wonderfully kind and sweet. I’ll never forget that. How come as kids friendship is important but not important anymore when you get to adulthood? There was a conversation that made me shocked and confused. But, better to tell the truth than to lie. Two stories about friendship came long on pop culture news. In a pop culture interview on YouTube

    Community Voices

    Why Growing Up Is Difficult As An Autistic Person

    Part 2 of 3 , this actress had a comedy show. According to her perspective (as I don’t want to judge that person and I’m aware of not knowing the complete story behind the scenes), this actress owned her straight forward truth. Herself and her co stars are not friends than their characters on TV. Again, those are from her words and her own perspective. What’s funny is these main four stars, their characters are friends but in real life they aren’t. When I heard about it, I remembered thinking to myself, “That was disappointing! Why can’t they be friends in real life? It’s not fair.” But then, I realized, you can’t please everybody. Things shouldn’t be forced. If you’re going to force a #Relationships, it will never work. It’s better to be natural than to please others for the sake of them liking you even though you hate them. The last example. You might heard of this group, it’s a pop group during the early 2010s. On screen, they’re likeable with great catchy tunes. However, most of us did not know what was going on off camera. Rumours have it, but I’m not sure if it’s true. Rumours have it that all of the bandmates didn’t get along well. Rumours say they disliked the music they’re playing and they don’t liked each other. No matter what if the rumours are true or not, have you ever thought to yourself, when this kind of news media spread, you felt betrayed and it’s not honest? I’ve learned that friendship become less important when you become an adult. It’s up to you who you want to be friends with. Because I implanted the friendship conversation literally, I wished everyone would be nice. Why can’t we just get along fair and square? But the cold hard truth is not everybody will like you. It’s sad, but it’s the truth. No matter how kind you are, you will always be evil in someone else’s story.

    Remember in the John Hughes’ movie, The Breakfast Club? There was a quote that resonated with me. One character from the movie said, “When you grow up, your heart dies.” Innocence fades slowly at a time. 28 years. 28 years of having a clean mouth. I never swore in my entire life. No F bombs, nothing. You may think I’m lying. I ain’t lying. I never, ever, swore in my entire life for real. Period. Well, okay, I did say a bad word one time but it wasn’t a swearing word. It’s from a conversation I had with my grade three teacher who I admired. She was compassionate and kind. Unfortunately, my former grade three teacher passed away from #ALSLouGehrigsDisease three years ago. I still miss her dearly and I always have a special place for her in my heart. Going back to the conversation I had with her, this is what happened. One time, I accidentally slipped out the word, stupid. I heard the word stupid when I copied it from one of the greatest animated, cartoon shows I watched, Wallace and Gromit In A Grand Day Out. My teacher was disappointed with me. She was upset. But she reminded me in a soft gentle tone. “Anthony, please don’t say that word again.” I actually was upset at myself when I said stupid. I was taught to not swear. I forever kept that promise for my teacher even today as a so-called adult. Now, this is the part when my tables have turned. Recently, I hear lots of people swearing and most of the time, they weren’t even offended. Even supervisors and employees also curse. In reality, cursing is not appropriate at work especially when a supervisor is supposed to set a good work etiquette example. Pretty bad especially as a professional. But, of course, we tend to slip out those moments when we get too carried away. It happens at times and we ain’t perfect. That’s okay too. Leaders are supposed to be suitable role models. There was an article I read online about swearing. When I read it, it shocked me. The article talked about why swearing can also be good for you. Here are some benefit examples. “It helps us express our anger healthier.” “It tells them the truth.” “They fight for their rights.” To be honest, this article has some pretty spot on points. If we were told not to swear, how come right now it’s more acceptable? I was very thankful I had a lot of outstanding teachers who helped me and taught me to be kind. I will always be grateful for them and I know they did the best they can. To me, I wasn’t taught that being too kind can also not be a good thing. Autism gave me a superpower of kindness. It’s one of my greatest strengths but also can be my greatest weakness. Individuals living with Autism struggle often in morality. It’s also known as moral blindness. Ther

    Community Voices

    My Happy Places

    <p>My Happy Places</p>
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