Lately, I’ve been feeling really alone. And it’s not just the kind of loneliness that comes from being by yourself—it’s the kind that happens inside my own head. I’ve been disconnected from the people I love, second-guessing every conversation, and replaying interactions on repeat. When this happens, and my thoughts get stuck, they start spiraling fast.
A short text from a friend all of a sudden becomes proof that something is wrong. A missed call feels like a sign that I’m unwanted. Silence expands into rejection. My brain takes a tiny seed of doubt and grows into a whole forest of “what ifs” and “they must not like me.” And once that story gets loud enough in my mind, it doesn’t matter how unrealistic it sounds—I believe it.
This happened recently with a close friend who lives out of state. We don’t talk as often anymore, except when one of us is back in town. I reached out the other day, and replies seemed short—just a “yeah” or “ok” here and there—though text can always be rather tricky to read. Still, I convinced myself it meant we were drifting apart. I created an entire story in my head: she was upset with me, she didn’t care about me anymore, maybe she didn’t even like me at all. I started going through the past, picking apart every little detail to find proof that she didn’t. And then, on top of all that, I felt ashamed for even thinking that way.
Other times, it’s little things—like sending a photo or a funny meme and getting no response for hours, if at all. My mind immediately jumps to worst-case-scenarios: Did I say something wrong? “Maybe they’re annoyed with me?” “Maybe they don’t like as much anymore.” Even when I know that’s highly unlikely, the feeling is so real it’s incredibly difficult to shake.
It’s this cycle that I get caught in: overthinking → self-doubt → shame → isolation. And it’s exhausting.
Sometimes it feels like my brain is working against me. I know logically that a short reply or a missed call doesn’t mean the end of a friendship. I know that people get busy, distracted, or tired. But knowing it doesn’t always make the feeling go away.
I’ve realized that this spiral ties into FOMO and RSD. Every pause in communication can feel like proof that I don’t belong, that people are moving on without me, or that I’ve done something wrong. Even when I know deep down it’s not true, my mind always convinces me otherwise.
Some days, it feels like I’m trapped inside my own thoughts, but then I remember that even if my mind is convincing, it’s still just my mind. Nothing harmful has actually been done. It’s rather preposterous to take an idea and run with it, but it’s just a part of who I am, and I’m learning to navigate it as best I can. And somewhere in the mess of overthinking, shame, and doubt, I’m still me. The me who laughs at silly memes, who texts friends even when it feels scary, who keeps trying even when the spiral wins.
“Overthinking leads to paralysis. Over-feeling leads to isolation. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply let things be.”-Unknown
#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #SelfDoubt #emotional #ADHD #RSD #AutismSpectrum
Latest
1 reaction •
1 comment
