Lori Wong sitting by a pond.

6 Things I Want People to Know About Invisible Disabilities


I have dealt with anxiety, depression and was diagnosed with a heart condition when I was 19 in college, but none of my friends knew or could tell. You could not tell just by looking at me. But my “InvisAble” disabilities also give me the ability to be great.

From my personal experience dealing with my disabilities, here are 6 things I want to share with loved ones and others I meet.

1. Not all disabilities can be seen. Growing up in a traditional Asian household, mental illness was a taboo topic. It did not exist, and if there was any conversation about it, the only responses I would get are “you aren’t thinking like a normal person” or “you are just stressed.” This only made dealing with anxiety and depression more difficult. My parents were well aware that physical disabilities existed, like the physical issues I have with my heart, but not open to discussing my other disabilities.

2. No two people will react the same to a shared disability. Every person will cope with their disabilities differently. When my anxiety kicks in, it feels like an extreme form of constant stress. I struggle to sleep, I have nightmares and wake up with tightness in my chest, I break down and cry, I get angry and am in a mental state where I feel everything in my life is going in the wrong direction. No one else can read your mind, so it is important to communicate what you are feeling and how you are feeling. Sometimes just having someone close whom you trust and who knows your behavior patterns can help.

3. Don’t tell me my disability is not “normal.” I have shared with close friends about my disabilities, and have even been told how I react is not “normal.” Even in the workplace, I have heard people say the way to deal with stress is to “just get over it.” I do not have a choice in how I react, it is simply the way I am feeling. There is no right or wrong with how I react to my anxiety.

4. Telling me I need help isn’t helpful. That only states the obvious. If I have learned anything from my disabilities, it is that I have to be willing to help myself before anyone else can help me. With anxiety, I have sought counseling and found activities to provide relief. When I learned of my heart issues, I was afraid to go back to the cardiologist and refused to accept there was anything wrong, but I eventually went back for help. When I first realized I felt different, I just kept telling myself nothing was wrong. I was wrong. It was not easy to want to get help; it took years. But whenever my family and friends learn that I am losing control of my disabilities and push me to seek help, the pressure only makes it worse.

5. Just be there. It is never easy to admit something might be wrong, or that you need help, but when I do, it is because I have found the courage to trust you. I care about how my disability affects my relationship with you. This does not necessarily mean I want you to do anything; it just means I want you to be there for me.

6. Disabilities are abilities. My social anxiety heightens my senses, making me more observational, rather than a participant. This allows me to read into people’s personalities much more deeply because I take more time to process. It has helped my professional career when it comes to interacting with clients. Because of my disabilities, I have found methods of coping with anxiety by writing advice for strangers through blogging. I sketch artwork for friends and family, and I write music for myself.

Whether you have a physical or invisible disability or both, make the most of it. Your disability does not define who you are as a person, but makes you unique as an individual.

The Mighty is asking the following: Create a list-style story of your choice in regards to disability, disease or mental illness. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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