The Phone Call That Could Save Your Life
“Do you have plans to end your life?”
But then, there are some of us who have no plans to end our lives — we’re just constantly walking on the edge of it.
It’s the end of the day, and you’re relaxed. You’ve just read a book or have done something else you like. Now, you’re just calm enough to close your eyes and sleep. It’s silent until suddenly, you’re up. It’s the middle of the night or early morning, and your mind is saturated with thoughts of suicide and despair. You body feels unable to do or anticipate anything else but ending its life.
It’s all darkness in your mind and numbness in your body. The world feels as if it’s about to end unless you take care of the internal pain you are experiencing. You grab your phone and talk to whoever will listen. You might cry or just pray that the sound of another person’s voice will stop you from doing what you feel urged to do.
The moment feels like a lifetime. The energy is drained out of your body. Eventually, you fall asleep again. It’s now morning. As if it was all a distant memory or a nightmare of some sort, you can’t quite remember that moment. But why did it happen? When you know that every day you’re fighting to keep living, it can be a surreal and frightening experience.
It reminds me just how important it is to stay safe, whether you feel suicidal or not, in your everyday life. There’s a side to depression that’s unpredictable, volatile. Somehow, it feels safer to sit and plan out your actions than to be led forcefully by a surge of uncontrollable emotions that attack you when you’re least expecting it.
I encourage anyone who feels this way to call a suicide/depression helpline. Most of them run all throughout the night. It can make the difference to what decisions you make in that moment. There’s no weakness in talking to someone you don’t know about how you feel. Choosing life is brave when you feel so compelled to do the opposite. I’ve used these helplines myself, and I don’t know if I would be writing this if I had not made that phone call.
Call The Samaritans (available to everybody in the UK and Ireland) 08457 90 90 90 for help.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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