Learning to Live Life After Another Suicide Attempt
On August 11, 2016, I attempted suicide for the seventh time. This was my most serious attempt, landing me in the ICU for several days as doctors raced against the clock to save my life. Once I was stabilized and completed my stay at a psychiatric hospital, I was referred to a residential treatment facility. I was admitted on August 30th and returned home on November 15th.
I’m writing this almost exactly two months later. These past two months have been my first in complete and total recovery since I first began struggling with mental illness many years ago.
Being in recovery and living a life not totally consumed by my illness is something I once thought was absolutely impossible. Unreachable — a lifetime away from me. Even professionals in the mental health field believed I was too far gone and nothing more could be done for me. I was actually told I was “untreatable.”
Yet, here I am – two months into my recovery and I am doing wonderfully. I want to share the beautiful things I have experienced during these last two months.
Thanksgiving. Being alive and well to experience it. Understanding the meaning of this holiday on a completely new level. Appreciating and enjoying the delicious food.
Christmas. Truly realizing this holiday is not about gifts but instead, about love.
The first snowfall of the season. Feeling the snowflakes on my face and watching my dog run around in complete and utter delight.
Eating at my favorite restaurants over and over again, because life is short and food is wonderful.
Exploring New York City, my favorite city.
Standing at the top of the Rockefeller Center.
Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge.
Eating at Serendipity by myself and devouring their frozen hot chocolate.
Discovering chocolate covered potato chips. (Seriously, they’re amazing.)
And just simply, living.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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Image via Thinkstock
Lauren Clements is a 25-year-old photographer and mental health advocate, living in Tennessee. She lives with borderline personality disorder, depression, OCD, C-PTSD and anxiety. She is passionate about helping others and using her voice for good.
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