When Being a College Student With Schizophrenia Was Hard, I Had Lacrosse
Editor’s note: If you struggle with self-harm, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. For a list of ways to cope with self-harm urges, click here.
Having Schizophrenia and making it through college was not easy, but I had lacrosse. Playing lacrosse in college saved my life. It did. I know some people won’t get it. But being an athlete meant something important to me. It made me feel needed. I felt like people depended on me. I was someone to look up to. I worked hard to be the best player I could be. When I didn’t perform well, I got upset. When I did something good, I was relieved. I tried my hardest. It wasn’t an easy journey, but without lacrosse in my life, I don’t think I would be living right now. I credit my coach for helping me. She never gave up. She helped me realize I needed to take my medication regularly, which changed my life forever. Lacrosse saved my life. This is my journey.
My Freshman Year
I would run at night. Go out at 11 p.m. and come back at 1 a.m. My roommate would worry about it being so late. I would use running to get manage my mania and my anxiety.
My Sophomore Year
I go on and off a medication that’s very subduing. I eat a lot of sugar to give me energy because I think the medicine is making me tired. When a senior tears her ACL, I become a starter on defense. The first game I started, we lost to a team we shouldn’t have. On the bus ride back home, I didn’t realize I was in crisis.
My Junior Year
I am under a lot of pressure to work as hard as I can and be a role model to underclassmen. However, I act out at practice and get in fights with my coach. One day, I had a bad game and we lost in double overtime. I then stole a surgical blade from the sports training room. I called my best friend, who had graduated and told her what I had and the plans I was thinking of doing with it. I go home and decide to throw the knife away. Five minutes later my head coach and assistant coach show up at my front door. I didn’t realize I had a complete panic attack that made me want to self-harm.
My Senior Year
I decide I am going to take my medicine regularly when I am supposed to. I am behaving at practice, as well as when I am spending time with my coach. Other coaches are noticing the change in me, in addition to my own coach. I am being a leader on defense and teaching younger teammates how to play effective defense. My coach notices my improved behavior and asks me to be captain. I then realized how my life journey of lacrosse has saved my life.
Follow this journey on Schizophrenic.NYC.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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