To the Friend Who Saved Me When I Was Feeling Suicidal
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
It’s dark outside. I’m too tired to drive all the way home and my emotions are out of control. I decide to stop by Panera Bread to get dinner when suddenly, I find myself unable to breathe and uncontrollably sobbing in the car. The thing is, that’s how my anxiety and depression work. They appear like a big wave out of an unpredictable ocean and wash over my entire body, leaving me either breathless or broken.
I felt empty. I felt like the world– a world that can be full of discrimination, hatred and violence– had betrayed me and swallowed me up inside a darkness I could not escape. I wanted to end the misery. No more bullying, no more harassment, no more abuse, no more “what ifs.” And no more me.
I don’t know why I reached for my phone and called my friend. Perhaps I had a glimmer of hope the person I trusted most would try to save me or I would be able to hear his voice one last time. When he answered, I could only choke out the words, “I’m going to end it all.”
He found me in the car a couple minutes later. As he drove me to the hospital with tears in his eyes, I remember him squeezing my hand and telling me to calm down because “everything is going to be OK. You are OK. The world will not fall apart. You will not fall apart.” I felt almost tranquil after hearing those words.
To the friend who saved my life, thank you. Thank you so much. I cannot even begin to tell you how glad I am to have met you. You are the one who broadened my perspectives and helped me realize my life, like all others, is something to be cherished. You are the one who supported me when no one else would. You are the one who taught me how to have hope that can be shared with love and nurtured through encouragement.
We are not alone. There will always be light in a place of darkness, if we search hard enough. We have to stay strong and endure it. Take on life with full force because, one day, we will find our purpose for living.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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Thinkstock photo via Grandfailure.