Kesha Talks About Suicidal Thoughts and 'Praying' With Sirius XM
After releasing “Praying” last Thursday, a single from her first album in four years, Kesha spoke with Sirius XM about what inspired the song — and more specifically — the music video’s opening monologue that alludes to her having suicidal thoughts.
At the beginning of her music video, Kesha says:
Am I dead? Or is this one of those dreams, those horrible dreams, that seem like they last forever? If I am alive, why? If there is a god, or whatever, something, somewhere, why have I been abandoned by everyone and everything I’ve ever known? I’ve ever loved? Stranded, what is the lesson? What is the point? God give me a sign or I have to give up. I can’t do this anymore. Please just let me die. Being alive just hurts too much.
“Being alive just hurts too much.”
It’s a familiar feeling for those who’ve experienced deep depression or suicidal thoughts. Referring to the strong word choice in her monologue, the Sirius XM interviewer asked Kesha if she had ever contemplated suicide.
“If I were being totally honest, I had moments, because I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do,” she said.
Kesha’s admittance and willingness to share her deepest thoughts is important because too often, suicidal thoughts don’t get addressed until a person is in crisis. But even if you don’t feel like you’re going to kill yourself right now, passive suicidal thoughts are often an indicator something is wrong — and addressing them while they’re passive can prevent you or someone you care about from reaching a crisis point in the first place.
That’s why we need more people like Kesha to not only talk about being depressed but to normalize suicidal thoughts. Not “normalize” as in we should dismiss them, or treat having them as “no big deal,” rather we need to acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with having suicidal thoughts, and you should never be ashamed to talk about them.
Kesha said she found purpose in creating her latest album, and that showing up at the studio each day is what kept her going when she was fighting depression.
I think it’s healthy to actually talk about feeling really down, because life can be a f**king bitch sometimes. And I think the beautiful part is you hold onto hope, and you don’t give up, and you keep going and you keep showing up for yourself, and for me, it was, I would roll out of bed, and I would get in the car, and I would drive to the studio, and I would just keep making songs, and that was my coping, that was my way to cope with how I was feeling depressed.
If you’re depressed or having suicidal thoughts, you have purpose too. Don’t wait until things get “bad enough” to reach out and talk about it. You can talk to a compassionate counselor by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “HOME” to 741-741.
It’s also important to note that although not everyone will be comfortable being blunt about their suicidal thoughts, there are other warning signs to look out for when someone is seriously thinking about suicide. We should thrive to create an environment where people can talk about suicide and suicidal thoughts, but in the mean time, click here to find other important risk factors to keep in mind.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.